OMG! Bitcoin Apocalypse? 😱 NY Attorney General Freaks Out! Congress to Blame?! 🤯

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Right, so, New York Attorney General Letitia James – sounds like someone out of a Jane Austen novel, doesn’t she? – has apparently had a bit of a meltdown about cryptocurrency. Specifically, how Bitcoin and its digital chums could, like, totally ruin the US dollar‘s street cred. 🙄 She’s gone all dramatic, urging Congress to, you know, *do something* to protect us poor, clueless investors from fraud and criminal shenanigans. Honestly, as if we haven’t got enough to worry about with dating apps and avocado toast.

NY’s Top Lawyer Has a Crypto-Crisis (and Possibly a Bad Hair Day)

La James (can I call her that?) apparently banged on about the importance of a federal regulatory system in a strongly worded letter to Congress. Apparently, without it, we’re all just sitting ducks for fraud and financial volatility. Oh, the horror! 😱 As if my Zara sales addiction wasn’t financially volatile enough.

Bitcoin, she says, is an actual threat to the dollar’s dominance. Apparently, people are actually using it to send money overseas! I mean, who even understands how it works? It’s all just numbers and jargon to me. 🤷‍♀️

Turns out, even BlackRock CEO Larry Fink (sounds like a Bond villain) is worried. He thinks Bitcoin could be a hedge against the dollar. A *hedge*! I thought those were for gardens. 🌷

“Millions of New Yorkers actively buy, sell or hold cryptocurrency and other digital assets, and they deserve further protection,” James declared. Well, duh! We deserve protection from bad dates, too, but Congress isn’t exactly rushing to regulate those. 🙄

NEW: This morning @NewYorkStateAG Letitia James sent a letter to congressional leaders @LeaderJohnThune, @SenSchumer, @SpeakerJohnson and @RepJeffries urging them to pass a federal regulatory framework for digital assets to mitigate fraud, criminal activity, and financial…

— Eleanor Terrett (@EleanorTerrett) April 10, 2025

Stablecoin Safeguards And Investor Protection Measures (Whatever They Are)

Our La James is particularly freaked out about stablecoins, which are apparently cryptocurrencies that are supposed to be pegged to stable assets (like the US dollar – ironic, right?). She wants Congress to make sure these stablecoin issuers have a US presence and, like, back their tokens with actual dollars or treasuries. Seems sensible, even to me. 🤔

Apparently, stablecoins make it easier to swap between different cryptocurrencies, but without rules, they can be manipulated and cause fraud. Honestly, it all sounds like a plot from a really confusing heist movie. 🎬

She also wants more protection from crypto scams. Apparently, people have lost millions! To cryptocurrency scams! I mean, who falls for these things? (Don’t answer that.) “Thousands of New Yorkers and investors nationwide have lost millions of dollars to cryptocurrency scams and fraud that can be avoided with more robust federal regulations,” James said. So, basically, we need grown-ups to tell us what to do. Again. 🙄

Keep Crypto Out Of Retirement Funds (Unless You’re Feeling REALLY Reckless)

La James is actually warning us against putting digital assets in retirement accounts. Apparently, they’re too volatile and risky. Like, even more risky than marrying a musician. 🎸 She says Bitcoin’s price swings are proof that it’s just too unstable for our precious savings. Apparently, financial institutions are offering crypto IRA options! I mean, seriously? Retirement is scary enough without adding crypto to the mix. 😨

Besides protecting investors, James also thinks tougher crypto rules would boost national security. Apparently, crypto purchases are usually anonymous and used for criminal activities. So, basically, everyone using crypto is a potential supervillain. 😈 The government needs to make crypto firms register and follow anti-money laundering rules. Sounds like a lot of paperwork. 🗂️

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2025-04-12 18:45