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Nebraska’s Newest Export: Broken Hearts & Vanished Wallets as Crypto Cupid Strikes!

BBG News

In questionable news from the Cornhusker State, crypto romance scams are on the rise, proving that love may be blind, but apparently also a bit dense when it comes to digital currency. 💸💔

Nebraska Issues Crypto Scam Alert After Victims Lose Savings in Romance Investment Hoax

Nebraska Attorney General Mike Hilgers—whose official hat is reportedly lined with tinfoil for scam-detection purposes—issued a dire warning last week. The culprit? Cryptocurrency scams, twined together with online “romance” as only the internet (and possibly a bored trickster god) could concoct. Reports flooded in after locals found their six-figure nest eggs cracked wide open by what can only be called investment platforms that are about as legitimate as a dragon’s insurance policy.

The Attorney General’s Office, clearly running out of synonyms for “fake,” explained the setup:

First, the scammers bait their hook with a friendly text, promising untold riches from the comfort of your armchair—no magic beans required. After you toss them a little cash, they whip up bank statements more imaginative than a Discworld census, all designed to encourage further “investing” (read: “donating”).

The plot thickens faster than a lumpy stew. Scammers craft online relationships so sweetly saccharine, you could get a toothache just by DMing them. Once trust is glued together with enough emoji hearts, suddenly the talk turns to investments. The targets? Folks with savings, often seniors—because nothing says “romance” like catfishing someone out of their retirement. 👴💕📉

Hilgers, after presumably recovering from the headache of reading all these scam reports, intoned that “these scammers are devastating Nebraskans”… which rather undersells it. A scammer relieving you of your life savings is like a raccoon relieving you of your dinner: technically true, but you’re the one left hungry. His advice?

“If a complete stranger on the internet asks for money, especially for a crypto scheme, and wants to chat about it on an app you didn’t know existed three minutes ago, you might want to—just a wild suggestion here—not do that.”

Because, as every Discworld witch will tell you, if an investment promises incredible returns with no risk, it’s either a scam or a family recipe for disappointment.
So, if you suspect you’ve been romanced and ransacked, contact your bank, your crypto exchange, and probably your favorite bartender. Also, the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center wants to know what’s up.

Meanwhile, die-hard fans of digital currency insist that, used wisely, cryptocurrency isn’t all doom and gloom—it just occasionally attracts the sort of people who’d sell an umbrella in a drought. 🪙⚠️

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2025-05-05 05:57

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