Michael Saylot’s Bitcoin Ballet: How to Turn Shareholders into Fortune Hunters

Heavens, what revelry! Picture, dear friend, M. Michael Saylot—a man with a wig lustrous enough to blind the gods—presiding over his enterprise, “Strategy,” like a banker at a carnivale, tossing digital doubloons into the air. This May Day, he declares his flock fattened by a yield—pour les connaisseurs—of 13.7% in this hallowed year; all thanks, naturellement, to the noble Bitcoin, that shimmering chimera of this modern age.

“But what does this yield mean?” you ask. Ah! It’s a tale fit for court jesters: more than 61,000 Bitcoins gained, a sum so plump, so untold (around $5.8 billion, if the maths have not run away with the mice), all scribbled in their ledgers with the ink of ambition. These are not official figures, mind you, but a secret sauce, their own invention: “Bitcoin yield,” “Bitcoin gain”—words born in the boardroom, nursed by hope, unleashed on poor, unsuspecting shareholders.

To put it simply, dear audience, “Bitcoin yield” is Strategy’s wily way of dividing its golden horde of Bitcoin by the commoners’ stock—MSTR. Like serving cake divided by peasant hats. The “Bitcoin gain”? Why, it’s the amount of pastry accrued! One must love how they’ve made mathematics so theatrical.

Andrew Kang, the money-counting vizier, proclaims with wind in his lungs: “Our 2025 ‘BTC Yield’ target is now 25%! Our ‘BTC $ Gain’ target is $15 billion! To the moon, I say!” (𝅘𝅥𝅮 cue trumpet). Bravo, monsieur! If ambition were gold, you’d have sunk the economy.

Let’s not forget—they’ve already plucked an 11% yield and 50,000 BTC (yes, more magical beans) in the first crest of 2025. How to fuel this relentless feast, you wonder? Well, Strategy shall conjure another $21 billion in fresh stocks, promising the crowd even more fantastic escapades in electron-land.

Bitcoin buying spree

Meanwhile, MSTR shares prance and leap, rising more than 27% this year to pirouette around $381 by May’s beginning. Yet even with these acrobatics, the price still falls short of the heady heights of last November—those days when stock traders missed their exits and fainted with delight at anything above $470 per share.

Since 2020, Strategy has stacked more than 550,000 Bitcoins, with a bill of $38 billion. Each coin cost them a gala-worthy $68,500, which surely makes every finance professor clutch their pearls. Still, the treasure chest, as of May 1, sparkles at more than $53 billion—enough to pay for music lessons for every child in Paris and still have caviar left over.

The high priests of industry murmur—perhaps through gritted teeth—that such grand institutional feasts might exile regular folk from the market entirely. Quelle horreur! As of May, all public companies combined clasp $73 billion in Bitcoin, while ETFs and other funds hoard another $128 billion. Even Molière could not write a satire so audacious. 😏💸

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2025-05-02 00:50