Michael Saylor’s Dastardly Bitcoin Bonfire Shocks the Crypto World! (You Won’t Believe #7!)

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If there’s one thing old Michael Saylor loves more than a spot of tea or a brisk stroll down the promenade, it’s making us all clutch our pearls with his Bitcoin antics. The fellow’s latest wheeze? Burning all his Bitcoin (BTC). Yes, you read that right. He’s treating your financial lifeboat as if it were an unruly soufflé—up in smoke before anyone gets a taste! 🤯 This helps the few, not the many, which, let’s face it, is rather frowned upon by everyone except, well, the few in question. All the while, Saylor’s trusty MicroStrategy keeps amassing Bitcoin like a magpie with a fondness for shiny things, once again sending the crypto crowd into a tizzy about scarcity—much like the question of where all the jellied eels went after last year’s garden party.

Saylor, ever the ambitious beaver, has declared his intent to clutch one percent of the grand Bitcoin haul. You’d think a chap sitting on such a pile would attract more than the odd raised eyebrow, possibly the odd monocle dropped into a glass of sherry. But no! His plan to incinerate his entire horde passes with less fuss than Aunt Agatha’s bridge nights. Meanwhile, the implications for Bitcoin’s grit and gumption go largely un-discussed—though it ought to spark a debate wilder than a Drones Club gin rummy after midnight. 🍸

Now, it’s hardly my place to meddle—Jeeves always said a wise man knows when to mind his own beeswax—but I’ve been mulling over the tragicomic reasons why Saylor ought to clasp his Bitcoin to his bosom and not, under any circumstances, torch it like yesterday’s love letters.

It is like burning the lifeboats on the Titanic as it sinks

To the uninitiated, “burning Bitcoin” means sending it somewhere so fiendishly inaccessible, even Sherlock Holmes armed with a Google Maps subscription would throw in the towel. Surely, Saylor could muster an ounce of noblesse oblige: splash his treasure about on plucky Bitcoin developers, libraries, hospitals, or even a wing in a public square—a statue with Saylor in a heroic pose, fistful of Bitcoins raised aloft. 🎖️

But there are technical foibles as well. Burning coins upon departure from this mortal coil is a bit rich, especially when it could be used to stoke the Saylor legend and ensure Bitcoin rolls on well after he’s pushing up daisies.

Let’s not forget—many a Bitcoin is already lost to hardware hiccups and absent-minded wallets, presumed missing alongside the TV remote. Legendary figures like Satoshi Nakamoto are rumoured to have left sizeable piles untouched since 2011, all contributing to Bitcoin’s reputation as rarer than a punctual British train. By all accounts, 17-23% of all BTC have disappeared, and Bitcoin, the tough cookie that it is, is even scarcer than the fabled 21 million.

Once exiled to an irretrievable address, those Bitcoins are gone for good. You can’t squeeze out more, even with all the pickaxes from the Cornish countryside. That’s half the mystique! The “Bitcoin Community” has baked this point into the collective psyche with all the subtlety of Bertie Wooster in plus-fours, but I digress.

Bitcoin’s raison d’être is resistance to bigwigs and quangos with a penchant for pressing buttons marked “Inflation.” Financial freedom, cheeky irreverence, and a grand up-yours to the establishment: that’s what this digital lark is all about! Burning Bitcoin amounts to pouring cold tea on that spirit—fewer lifeboats, more people wading in chilly waters. 🚤

The 21 million cap isn’t just a number; it’s the Magna Carta of Bitcoin—untouchable, sacred, and enduring as Aunt Dahlia’s marmalade recipe. If Saylor goes around reducing supply, what’s next? Trust in Bitcoin’s stately rhythms takes a beating, and the curious crypto set begin speculating—never a good idea where large sums are concerned.

Torching his stash reduces Bitcoin’s ability to function as reliable money. Price shocks, confusion, and a lingering whiff of arbitrariness—it’s like inviting the Empress of Blandings to dinner and then serving only watercress sandwiches.

When Saylor keeps his Bitcoin in play (or, at the very least, doesn’t lob it into the digital abyss), he signals confidence. He waves a cheery flag to the world, inspiring others not only to hold their own coins, but to make merry with them—perhaps via a stately charitable endowment or, heaven forbid, a boisterous will. 🎉

If the chap wants to make Bitcoin part of the financial order (and ride atop the parade float forevermore), he ought to pass it along to his progeny or trust, further girding the Bitcoin ramparts. Supporting decentralised dosh is, after all, a legacy worth leaving, somewhere between founding an Oxford college and inventing a new form of buttered crumpet.

Through considered inheritance or a smattering of well-directed generosity, Saylor could ensure Bitcoin continues to stand as a stout fortress against meddling governments and questionable monetary policy. Burning it weakens both his renown and Bitcoin’s brawn in one fell swoop—much better, surely, to bolster than to blunder.

Of course, at the end of the day, it’s Saylor’s circus and those are his lions. If he wants to join the ever-growing “Lost Bitcoin Club,” who am I to stop him? But one can’t help but think the world would be better served if his Bitcoins remained in the ring, rather than vanishing in a puff of crypto-theatrical smoke. 🎩

Kadan Stadelmann

Kadan Stadelmann is a blockchain developer, operations security whizz, and Komodo Platform’s chief technology officer. His escapades range from securing governments (presumably while wearing a cape) to launching tech startups and dabbling in cryptography. Kadan embarked upon the blockchain road in 2011 and sauntered into Komodo’s welcoming embrace in 2016.

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2025-07-06 13:19