Metaplanet’s Bitcoin Gambit: A Descent into Financial Madness

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In a move that dances on the precipice of financial folly, the enigmatic entity known as Metaplanet has sanctioned a scheme to conjure 180.3 billion yen ($1.2 billion) through the alchemy of share issuance, reserving $835 million to court the mercurial demon of Bitcoin. 🎭

A Wednesday filing, dripping with bureaucratic solemnity, unveiled plans to spawn 555 million new shares-a sorcerer’s trick that could swell their stock from 722 million to 1.27 billion. The price shall be divined Sept. 9-11, as the fates decree. 🎲

Lo, the bulk of this treasure shall be hurled into the abyss of Bitcoin, swelling their hoard to 18,991 BTC (a paltry $2.1 billion). They claim this shields them from Japan’s feeble yen and the creeping specter of inflation-a delusion rivaling Dostoevsky’s own gambler. 🎰

The remaining $440 million? Funneled into their “Bitcoin Income Business,” a venture where they peddle options on their BTC like a tavern keeper hawking dubious ale. Profits flow already, they boast-though whether it’s manna or madness remains unclear. 🍻

A Faustian Pact with Satoshi’s Shadow

This is but the latest act in Metaplanet’s grand tragedy: the “21 Million Plan” and “555 Million Plan,” cryptic rituals aiming to amass 210,000 BTC by 2027-a thimbleful of the total supply, yet enough to fuel hubris. 🌊

The offering shall be flung to foreign institutions, shunning the US like an unclean land. No public offerings here-only whispers in the dark. 🕯️

“We announce our gambit,” intoned CEO Simon Gerovich on X, his words clipped as if fearing the wrath of legal phantoms. 🗝️

From Obscurity to FTSE’s Stage

Metaplanet, once a pauper among stocks, now ascends to the FTSE Japan Index-a promotion earned through Q2’s fleeting triumphs. Soon, it shall join the FTSE All-World Index, rubbing shoulders with titans. 🏛️

Thus, they march toward their destiny: a corporate Don Quixote, tilting at inflation’s windmills with Bitcoin as their lance. 🛡️⚔️

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2025-08-27 13:58