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Legal Drama Unfolds: Tornado Cash Gets a Court Soap Opera Spin!

BBG News

Imagine, if you will, a courtroom far away in Texas, where the US courts have done a little jig and decided to toss aside their own earlier scolding of Tornado Cash, that cheeky crypto blender that mixes coins prettier than your Aunt Mabel’s salad. In a rather dashing turn, the Office of Foreign Assets Control—OFAC to those in the know—is now told by the powers-that-be to keep their mitts off those pesky old sanctions. Our hero, Coinbase’s Chief Legal Officer Paul Grewal, couldn’t help but cheer while slyly wagging a finger at the Treasury Department, who managed to botch the whole delisting circus with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. 🎩⚖️

A Legal Wobble That’s Got Coinbase Doing the Charleston

So here’s the scoop: The US District Court for the Western District of Texas, probably fueled by strong coffee and a craving for justice (or at least some excitement), reversed its earlier pick-me-up of the Treasury Department’s sanctions. In doing so, it found that OFAC had flubbed procedures worse than someone forgetting their monocle at the club. The Administrative Procedure Act wasn’t just ignored—it was trampled on like last night’s crumpets. Our dear Paul Grewal, sporting his legal glad rags, trumpets this victory like a town crier announcing free pies.

This new ruling means OFAC is officially forbidden from resurrecting those old sanctions on Tornado Cash—no second helping for you! But don’t pop the champagne just yet 🍾, they can still cook up fresh sanctions, provided they follow the recipe by the APA rulebook. “Bravo to the plaintiffs,” says Grewal, “who stood up to their government with the noble courage of a chap insisting on double pudding at dinner.”

Why the fuss? Well, because OFAC slammed Tornado Cash down after supposedly finding connections between our crypto merry-go-round and some rather unsavory North Korean hackers named Lazarus. Despite backing Tornado, Grewal isn’t exactly putting on rose-colored blockchain spectacles; he calls for more transparency so the bad eggs don’t roam free. Crime-fighting with a digital magnifying glass, one might say. 🕵️‍♂️💻

The Treasury’s Delisting Debacle: A Comedy of Errors

Not content to exit gracefully, the Treasury tried to pull a neat trick—asking the court to decide the whole brouhaha was moot because, hey, Tornado Cash had already been kicked off the naughty list. But the court wasn’t having any of it, swatting down the Treasury’s move like an overenthusiastic butler swatting flies at tea.

“The defendants haven’t exactly pledged a solemn oath not to sanction Tornado Cash again,” the court snarked, “and might very well try to redecorate the sanctions room once more.”

Following this judicial slap on the wrist, Tornado Cash’s token (TORN) pranced up nearly 8% to a sprightly $7.90, probably giddy with excitement. Not far behind, Monero (XMR) took a 50% leap, while Bitcoin and friends kept a modestly buoyant posture, no doubt mulling over the news with pipe in hand.

And just to sprinkle some spice on this legal stew, Paul Grewal’s “heat map” is positively sizzling with new revelations from the Ethereum 2.0 files. One wonders if Grewal’s next move will involve a monocle adjustment or a dramatic gasp. 🧐🔥

 

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2025-04-29 06:36

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