Kraken Does Stocks! Is Crypto Finally… Over?

Kraken, which, as everyone knows, is not just a mythical sea beast but also one of the larger cryptocurrency exchanges in the United States 🇺🇸, is apparently feeling a bit landlocked. They’re branching out, you see, beyond those digital whatsits, probably because the nice men in suits are finally starting to understand what a blockchain 🔗 is (or at least pretending to). And also, there’s this rumour of a potential initial public offering (IPO) early next year. Because nothing says “trust us with your money” like promising to make even more money for other people first.

According to Monday’s announcement (which arrived, as all important announcements do, with the subtlety of a foghorn in a library 📢), the exchange is now dabbling in the rather more… conventional trading of US stocks and those exchange-traded fund thingummies (ETFs). They’ve forged a new brokerage partnership with Alpaca. Yes, Alpaca. As in, the fluffy llama-like creature 🦙. One hopes their trading strategies are more sophisticated than “chew cud, buy low”.

Commission-Free Trading For 11,000 US Stocks And ETFs

This, dear reader, is a momentous expansion for Kraken. They’ve begun rolling out commission-free trading for over 11,000 U.S.-listed stocks and exchange-traded funds. Commission-free! Almost sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? 🤔 Probably a catch. There’s always a catch.

Initially, this offer of free stuff is only available to clients in select states, including New Jersey, Connecticut, Wyoming, and Rhode Island. Because, of course, everyone in those states is just desperate to trade stocks. The plan is to gradually extend this largesse to all eligible US clients. And not content with just conquering America, Kraken has ambitions to expand its services internationally, with plans to reach markets in the UK, Europe, and Australia. Because who doesn’t want to lose money in multiple currencies? 💸

According to the exchange’s blog post (which, naturally, no one actually reads), US-based clients in several states, including Oklahoma, Idaho, Iowa, Kentucky, Alabama, and the District of Columbia, can now trade stocks and ETFs directly from their Kraken accounts. One wonders if they’ve considered offering a free tin-foil hat with every new account. Just in case.

Kraken’s New Features

With this expansion, Kraken clients will be able to manage their stocks, cryptocurrencies, cash, and stablecoins all in one platform. One platform to rule them all! Or, more likely, one platform to lose them all. 😉 This streamlined approach is aimed to eliminate the need for multiple accounts and interfaces, allowing users to effortlessly switch between different asset classes. Because everyone knows the best way to become an expert in finance is to juggle as many different things as possible at once. 🤹

Key features of the new equities offering include seamless reinvestment capabilities, enabling clients to immediately reinvest in other stocks or cryptocurrencies after selling. Because who has time to think about things like “profit” or “loss” when you can just immediately throw your money back into the pit? There are also fractional trading options that allow them to own a portion of “high-priced stocks.” Perfect for those who dream of owning a tiny sliver of Apple, just enough to say they’re part of the elite. 🍎

Arjun Sethi, Kraken’s Co-CEO, highlighted the importance of this expansion, stating, “Crypto isn’t just evolving; it’s becoming the backbone for trading across asset classes, such as equities, commodities, and currencies.” Sethi further emphasized the growing demand for 24/7 global access and the need for a seamless trading experience. Because apparently, sleep is for the weak. 😴

He noted that expanding into equities is a natural progression for Kraken, paving the way for the tokenization of assets and reinforcing the notion that the future of trading will be “borderless and built on cryptocurrency infrastructure.” Which sounds terribly impressive, even if nobody quite understands what it means. 🤔

This news comes on the heels of a significant surge in the total cryptocurrency market capitalization, which rose from $2.3 trillion to $2.6 trillion within just a few days. Because numbers, right? 🤷

This increase has been fueled by a renewed sense of optimism in the market, largely attributed to President Trump’s easing of tariff policies and a 90-day pause on certain trade restrictions. Because nothing says “sound financial decisions” like basing your investment strategy on the whims of politicians. 🤪

Bitcoin (BTC), the leading cryptocurrency, has successfully reclaimed the $85,000 mark, experiencing a 7% increase in the weekly time frame. This upward momentum has also been mirrored by substantial gains in other major altcoins, including XRP, Solana (SOL), and Cardano (ADA). So, all’s well that ends well… until the next crash. 💥

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2025-04-15 16:14