Joe Tracini fights back tears while detailing sexual abuse he suffered as a child as he says he ‘suppressed’ the ordeal until he reached his 20s

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Joe Tracini became visibly emotional while sharing that he was sexually abused as a child, explaining he had hidden the trauma for years.

Joe Pasquale’s son, 37, a former actor on Hollyoaks, revealed details of his past abuse in the 2024 documentary, ‘Me and the Voice in My Head.’ He also discussed his diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in the film.

Joe recently explained in an interview why he didn’t discuss his past abuse until he was older, and revealed he sometimes doubts his own memories because of his diagnosis.

Joe received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) twelve years ago. This condition causes significant emotional instability, ongoing feelings of insecurity, and unwanted, intrusive thoughts.

He had previously revealed he was sexually abused when he was eight years old, and explained he was tired of keeping it a secret.

Joe discussed his choice to leave out details of abuse in his 2022 memoir during an appearance on the ‘I’m ADHD! No You’re Not’ podcast. He spoke with the show’s hosts, Paul Whitehouse and neuroscientist Dr. Mine Conkbayir, about the decision.

They asked if I allowed myself to fully feel difficult emotions and acknowledge past hurts. Specifically, they wanted to know if I let myself think, ‘This happened, it really affected me, and I’m still dealing with the pain.’

I came across information about sexual abuse around page 140 of a book when I was in my early twenties. Of course, the details didn’t involve a child being abused – it didn’t mention an eight-year-old victim at that point.

‘To me, I trace everything back pretty much to that.’

Joe agreed, saying he’d always been aware of that situation. He explained that he hadn’t included it in his book and trailed off mid-sentence.

I started telling the story of what happened when I was in my twenties, almost as a way to process it – though it definitely wasn’t a positive experience.

Looking back, I always had a feeling something was off, a nagging sense that things weren’t right. It wasn’t something I ever consciously dwelled on, but as I got older and struggled with really dark thoughts, it just… clicked. I realized it was probably connected to whatever is hidden up in the loft. It’s been a long-held, unspoken feeling, and now it feels like the source of so much pain.

I hoped simply talking about my experiences in my twenties would be enough to work through them. I wanted the act of sharing to be the process itself. It wasn’t a pleasant topic, of course, but Mine observed it was much less difficult to discuss now than it had been when I was a child.

The actor went on to say that while there was a lot they disliked about the project, their memory of it wasn’t about specific details, but rather the emotions they felt at the time.

I remember certain details, but not as vividly as I remember most other events in my life.

As a lifestyle expert, I’ve learned that trauma can really warp how we perceive things. Joe shared with me that he believes he ‘suppressed’ his experiences of abuse, and it makes total sense when you consider how his brain works. He explained that he often questions what’s real, and that paranoia has been a part of his experience, which understandably affects how he processes things.

I keep second-guessing myself, constantly wondering if I’m imagining things or even lying to myself. It’s a really unpleasant feeling, like I’m twisting my own reality.

It’s definitely not a place I’d want to be. When I’m just trying to get through each day and manage difficult feelings, a dark alley is the last place I need to be.

I’ve never really addressed this before, but now I realize why things weren’t getting better. I stopped using drugs and did everything else people suggested, but I hadn’t talked about the real issue.

As for your question, the documentary shows the moment I first said it – you actually see and hear it happening for the first time on camera.

I always encouraged them to keep questioning me, because there was something important I hadn’t shared yet. They actually asked me about it four times during our time together, and I’m so glad I finally opened up and talked about it. It means a lot to me that I did.

I appreciate that I remembered this detail – it’s like I can picture my past self on a bench, urging me to just be direct and say what needs to be said.

I’ve always known that’s what caused it, even if I didn’t say it out loud. Acknowledging it means having to talk about it and confront the issue, and I’ve been avoiding that.

I realize I can’t handle this alone. If I could figure it out myself, I would, but I’m stuck and don’t know where to start. I feel overwhelmed because I don’t have enough information to make sense of things.

I don’t like facing that part of myself. It makes me uncomfortable, especially because I’m generally capable… I struggle with many things, but specifically with discussing and handling difficult situations, and I just can’t seem to address them effectively.

Joe revealed he’s never talked about his past abuse with a mental health professional, but shared with Mine and Paul, ‘Honestly, this is the most I’ve ever opened up about it to people who actually care.’

I haven’t really discussed this with anyone, honestly. It’s actually quite meaningful to me that, after joking about Tom Jones’ chest hair just a few minutes ago, I feel comfortable enough to share this with you both.

It means a lot to me that you care, and I appreciate it. Knowing you understand how I feel is really helpful, and it confirms what I already thought – this isn’t my responsibility.

As a lifestyle expert, I often hear people trying to dissect complex issues, and recently someone was attempting to separate what they saw as ADHD from Borderline Personality Disorder. Honestly, I pushed back on that. They started talking about erectile dysfunction and intimacy problems, and it became incredibly clear to me – this wasn’t about separate diagnoses at all. This was about the impact of sexual abuse. It’s crucial to recognize the root cause instead of just labeling symptoms.

He still hasn’t fixed the problem. I really needed to tell you about it, but I wanted to make sure I did so in a safe way.

Hopefully, you’ll eventually be able to talk through what happened with someone. It’s understandable that you haven’t shared much detail, since it sounds like you’ve been holding it all in.

Once more, you found yourself on your own. You’ve built up ways to deal with things that have helped you survive, and that’s truly remarkable and deserves recognition.

I really hope you eventually feel comfortable exploring those feelings more, and finding the words to understand them. It could really help you heal and move on. I notice how deeply you experience things – not just emotionally, but even physically, with flashbacks.

I can see it’s still affecting you. I’ve observed you closely and thought a lot about your experiences. It seems like you’re still deeply hurt by past events. When people talk about borderline personality disorder, I believe it often stems from unresolved childhood trauma, and that trauma is likely the root of the biggest pain. But you have a strong base to build on, which is great.

We had surprisingly similar childhoods. Mine was really chaotic, but my mother always gave unconditional love. It sounds like you experienced things no child should, and you’re likely dealing with a lot of difficult emotions – anger, resentment, guilt, and shame.

Honestly, it just feels like people don’t understand – none of the struggles are something you choose. I really needed to talk about this Borderline Personality Disorder stuff, and for me, it all comes down to trauma that hasn’t been dealt with. It’s just… incredibly hard to get through everything and still want to keep going.

Joe’s voice cracked with emotion as he admitted he was surprised by the meeting. He’d been led to believe it was just a podcast recording.

I wasn’t expecting you… I was actually hoping you’d tell me, so thank you. It really means a lot to me.

You know, usually when people come to me, we spend a lot of time discussing the tour itself. I really appreciate you getting that part out of the way upfront – it lets us dive into everything else much faster!

Oh, right, you did mention that! It’s good to know it’s available. You were always helpful, answering my questions as I thought of them.

I don’t have much else to add, except that I appreciate you suggesting we talk about this, as it might be helpful. However, I still can’t see how it could actually work.

Honestly, I’m just not equipped to handle this. I don’t have the knowledge or the ability to really address what needs to be done, and it’s frustrating because I want to be helpful. I feel like I’m missing something essential to even begin.

Joe’s father has shared that he feels responsible for his son’s mental health challenges, including six suicide attempts.

When Joe was a teenager, his borderline personality disorder led to a serious drug addiction and caused him to run away from home for extended periods.

Okay, so I was riveted watching the documentary about Joe, and his dad, Pasquale, actually said something that really got to me. He admitted, like, he felt a little responsible for what Joe was going through, which was HUGE. But then… then he still framed Joe’s struggles as just… seeing things differently! It’s like he couldn’t quite grasp how serious it was, even after everything. It’s just… frustrating, honestly, because you want him to understand how much Joe is hurting, but he still seems to minimize it. I just… I can’t even with that. It’s so typical!

He told his son that he’d been gone for a long time and had made some poor choices.

I didn’t want to admit there was a problem for a long time, and it really shouldn’t have gotten so bad. I should have addressed it sooner, but I didn’t. To be honest, I was just too focused on work.

It’s been incredibly difficult. Even now, when the phone rings, I still feel a surge of panic. There’s a deeply troubled part of me, and of you, that feels hopeless and wants to give up. I struggle with that, and I wish you didn’t have to as well.

‘For me, I’m going what did I do wrong to adopt that lifestyle of not wanting to be here.’

As a longtime follower of Joe’s work, I was deeply affected by what he shared in the documentary. He strongly implied he went through something incredibly difficult, something akin to sexual abuse, and it’s clearly had a lasting impact on him. He’s understandably very private about it – he just doesn’t talk about what happened.

Thinking back to his childhood, Joe remembered an incident when he was about seven or eight years old: a man had asked him to remove his clothing.

Overcome with emotion, he recalled the upsetting event, explaining it centered around a game of dice. Each number rolled dictated a specific task he was forced to complete.

‘I was broken, not just by me, by people and stuff,’ he reflected.

I’m ADHD! No You’re Not is available on all podcast platforms now.

If you’re feeling upset by this news, support is available. You can contact the Samaritans by calling 116 123 or visiting their website at www.samaritans.org.

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2026-04-13 19:11