Jack Dorsey’s Magical Shrinking Company: 4,000 Jobs Poof!

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Oh, what a jolly jape! Block Inc., that marvelous money-making machine, has decided to trim its workforce by nearly half, sending over 4,000 poor souls packing. CEO Jack Dorsey, with a flick of his wizard’s wand, calls it “one of the hardest decisions”-though one suspects he’s not the one queuing at the job centre.

Block’s Big Chop: 4,000 Roles Vanish in a Puff of Smoke!

The ever-so-charming Mr. Dorsey announced on Thursday, just as the clock struck market-closing time, that Block would shrink from a plump 10,000 employees to a svelte 6,000. A bit like a balloon losing air, but with more tears and fewer party hats.

In a letter so public it could’ve been shouted from a rooftop, Dorsey scribbled, “Today we’re making one of the hardest decisions in the history of our company: we’re reducing our organization by nearly half.” Oh, the drama! One can almost hear the violins. He promised everyone would know their fate by day’s end-a bit like a game of musical chairs, but with fewer winners.

For the unlucky ones, Dorsey offered a golden handshake (or at least a tin-plated one): 20 weeks’ salary plus a week for every year of service, equity vested through May, six months of health care, their corporate gadgets, and a whopping $5,000 to “help you in this transition.” Generous? Or just enough to buy a used car and a packet of tissues?

“We’re not in trouble!” Dorsey proclaimed, as if anyone accused them of being. “Our business is strong,” he insisted, pointing to growing profits and expanding reach. So why the chop? Ah, it’s all about “structural shifts” and “intelligence tools”-corporate speak for “we’re replacing you with robots.”

Speaking of robots, it seems AI is the new sheriff in town, shaking up Wall Street like a snow globe. Dorsey, ever the decisive chap, decided to act swiftly rather than drip-feed the bad news. “Repeated rounds of cuts are destructive to morale,” he wrote, as if one massive round were a picnic.

The axe fell on multiple teams, including those tied to Square and Cash App. Insiders had whispered of 10% cuts, but Dorsey went full Dahl-unexpected and a tad cruel. Inc.com noted the irony: as jobs vanish, AI tools are promoted. Progress, they call it. Hmph.

“A decision at this scale carries risk,” Dorsey admitted, though one wonders if he’s the one risking his job. He closed with a mix of gratitude and apology, telling departing employees, “I’m grateful for you, and I’m sorry to put you through this.” To the survivors: “We’re going to build this company with intelligence at the core.” Let’s hope it’s not just artificial.

FAQ ❓

  • How many jobs is Block cutting?
    Block is sending over 4,000 roles to the scrap heap, shrinking from over 10,000 to under 6,000.
  • Why the big chop?
    Dorsey says it’s a “structural shift,” not financial woes. Though one suspects the robots had a say.
  • Is Block financially stable?
    According to Dorsey, they’re as sturdy as a Dahlian giant-growing profits and all.
  • Which teams are affected?
    Multiple teams, including those linked to Square and Cash App, are feeling the pinch.

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2026-02-27 02:57