I didn’t lose my virginity until age 22 – and never felt able to indulge my appetite for sex. Now, from thinning hair to belly fat, my body’s changing…

For the past 26 years, my spouse Chris and I have been a couple, and we’ve been wed for 23 of those years. This longevity is uncommon in Hollywood, making others curious about what keeps our relationship strong.

Indeed, I experienced a brief initial marriage which didn’t last long. Growing up, my mother held significant influence over me, and when I tied the knot with tennis legend Andre Agassi, I found myself in another dominating, inflexible union. For a time, I followed his lead without question.

One reason I chose to marry him was because he was more well-known than I was, which appealed to me. For most of my life, I’ve been in the spotlight, so it was refreshing to step out of the limelight occasionally.

In 1999, I crossed paths with Chris at the Warner Bros gym where I was working on the sitcom “Suddenly Susan.” He was a writer on another show there. Although we would occasionally run into each other, we didn’t start dating until after my divorce the following year. At that time, I was still married to Andre.

During that period, I was shattered, as my marriage had concluded, my closest friend had passed away, and my father received a cancer diagnosis. It seemed like Chris came along at just the right moment, enfolding me in his embrace. He was my rescuer in those trying times. Being someone who’s fond of romantic tales, I appreciated the chivalrous knight-in-shining-armor image he presented.

Moving on to the current situation, it appears that Chris has taken up boxing training lately, and boy, does he look amazing! The way women interact with him has certainly changed, and it’s quite noticeable. Plus, his enthusiasm for this change is evident, and I can definitely pick up on that as well.

As a devoted admirer, I can’t help but confront the physical changes that accompany aging as a woman – the thinning tresses, the emergence of peach fuzz, the unexpected belly fat, the vaginal dryness, and the dwindling passion for intimacy. In my natural form, I feel less alluring to him than I ever have before.

‘It strikes one as plausible that older men are considered valuable by younger women because they can still father children, even at the age of 60.’

At an advanced stage in life, the traditional role of women as child bearers diminishes, which can impact our appeal to some men. However, this perception doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone, including myself and Chris. It’s frustrating that societal norms might suggest I need to work harder to be appealing, but I resent having to adjust my worth based on these expectations. When it comes to attracting Chris, the responsibility lies with me to find ways to express my attractiveness, which is unfair and something I don’t agree with.

I grow weary of being pushed to exert extra effort just to sustain a man’s interest. Shouldn’t my past efforts be sufficient? Regardless, I feel compelled to continue this cycle, to preserve his attention, or else fear he might find someone perceived as ‘more appealing’ (which often means younger).

Reflecting on my past, I find myself questioning my choices as a young woman raising two girls who are now reaching maturity. I wonder why I adhered so strictly to being a ‘good girl’ and maintaining a measured demeanor.

frankly, it’s not something I boast about, but let me be clear: I yearn for a more exciting past, filled with more defiance and romantic experiences.

To put it plainly, it’s nothing I take pride in, but rather, I long for a past that was more rebellious and had more intimate encounters.

I’ve been encouraging my two daughters to view their twenties as an excellent opportunity for exploration and discovery. I don’t subscribe to a bohemian lifestyle, but I do believe in the importance of experiencing life’s possibilities during this stage.

Frankly, I’ve been taken aback a bit, as I’ve found myself expressing sentiments to them that I hadn’t considered before, not until about a decade ago. For instance, ‘Your happiness matters just as much,’ or similar statements.

At the age of 59, I’m still rather modest when discussing sexual matters as a deep-seated sense of shame seems to be ingrained in me at a cellular level, yet I yearn for my daughters not to carry such inhibitions.

I advise against giving things without restraint, but if you’re in a partnership with reciprocal respect and affection, cherish it. Unfortunately, I didn’t experience such a bond during my youth, and I truly yearn for it.”

This maintains the original sentiment while using more natural and easy-to-read language, as well as adding a touch of personal reflection at the end to give context and depth.

In my youthful years, I found myself with a strong sexual desire, yet I often felt restricted from satisfying it as freely as I desired.

At age 22, I experienced my first intimate relationship with my college sweetheart and first true love. I chose to wait until then as I felt a significant burden, not only metaphorically, but genuinely, as if the entire world was observing me.

Even when we began sharing a bed, I always held back my true feelings. However, I was deeply smitten by him. His beauty took my breath away, and if only I could reminisce about those days and think, ‘What a wild ride! We lived passionately!’

In a heartbeat, it seemed destined to unfold as an unbridled, irresistible whirlwind romance, yet I found myself entangled in the relentless grip of my mother, fans, and the public at large.

In a foolish moment of vulnerability, I shared with my mother that I had lost my virginity. Once she learned this secret, she would often shame me about it when she was intoxicated, saying ‘I understand it’s only a physical relationship between you two,’ in a mocking tone.

Reflecting on my past, I deeply regret not succumbing entirely to desire when I first embarked on my romantic journey. This choice, unfortunately, seemed like a source of frustration for her as it symbolized the loss of our shared connection, since having a partner in my life meant losing some part of myself to another. Oh, how I longed to give in! Yet, alas, I was never able to do so.

Now, over three and a half decades have passed, and at times, I feign slumber, even when I’m aware that my spouse desires intimacy… (It’s worth mentioning that this isn’t about him – he’s quite attractive!) It’s not ideal, I acknowledge.

Recently, I had a conversation with a physician who asked me questions concerning my intimate relationships. I shared that I don’t feel any sexual desire and I am content with this state. However, to my surprise, the doctor seemed uncomfortable with this situation.

In the majority of cases, women in their late 40s and 50s often encounter a diminished interest in sexual activity. Compared to men, women have a significantly higher chance (up to thrice as much) of experiencing a decline in their libido during this timeframe.

My physician seemed less interested in those specific figures. Consequently, I was given a talk emphasizing the significance of intimacy in relationships – explaining that it helps partners bond, combat depression, bolster immunity, decrease stress levels, and enhance communication.

Abstaining from intimacy, she noted, could gradually weaken the bonds that initially drew a couple together. Although it might not retain its initial spark, it could still be fulfilling. Given these circumstances, she expressed her need for hormonal equilibrium.

To truly savor intimacy now, I require specific elements that help create an ideal ambiance. Instead of traditional sleepwear, comfortable clothing seems more fitting. My preferred pillow is essential, as is a soft fabric for extra comfort. Occasionally, a glass of tequila serves as a relaxing aid.

To rephrase the given text: Chris isn’t the issue at all. In case I didn’t mention, he looks amazing now, even more so than during our honeymoon. Let me clarify something – it’s perfectly okay to use whatever resources you need and do whatever is necessary. My gynecologist recommended that I take testosterone, which might lead to a few extra whiskers; but don’t worry about that, I can always pluck them out with tweezers.

As of now, I’ve yet to experience that place myself, but my anticipation only grows stronger with each passing day! I’m holding onto the belief that the joy I’ll find there will be multiplied by the wait – the more time I spend yearning for it, the greater my enjoyment when I finally get there.

It’s worth noting that not every woman experiences low sexual desire. In fact, valuing sexual activity can significantly impact one’s experience. For instance, among women aged 40 to 65, those who assign greater importance to sex are generally more likely to maintain an active sexual life as they grow older.

When Chris and I argue, I can think of nothing more unappealing than being intimate. However, if we do become intimate, he tends to view it as a resolution to our argument and his anger subsides significantly. Essentially, it seems to act as a calming force for him.

I don’t want to resolve conflict by sleeping together, but I think that’s important to understand.

I’m not saying sex should be used as a weapon (and consent is, of course, always a prerequisite.)

It seems to me that I think sex holds a great deal of strength, therefore, we should wield that strength according to our personal preferences.

Over time, my partner and I have grown incredibly familiar with one another, almost to the point of knowing each other’s every quirk. This familiarity, however, can rob our relationship of some of its initial allure, as the enchanting mystery tends to fade. Additionally, actions that were once charming – due to the blindness of newfound love – may now strike me as slightly bothersome or irritating instead.

Over the years, we’ve become so attuned to each other that I can sense his emotions from the rhythm of his steps on the stairs or the tone in his voice when he picks up the phone. Even after all this time, I believe he remains the same man I wedded. It’s here that challenges arise.

Over time, I’ve experienced significant growth: I’ve become increasingly self-reliant and self-assured. I stand up for myself more, not just in major situations, but even in the smallest of moments. Additionally, I’ve developed a greater sense of independence, not only as an individual, but also as your partner.

I love Chris very much, but I don’t need him the way I once did. I don’t need saving any more.

Initially in our bond, saving money seemed just as rewarding for him as it felt for me to be rescued. It was a significant aspect of his value system. However, removing such ‘traditional male’ chances might come across as undermining their masculinity.

Apart from our biological connection, having children together, our relationship has significantly evolved since we got married, placing us in a completely new stage now.

To make our marriage work, I have to want him in my life, because I don’t need him in the same way.

For many years, a significant portion of my life was controlled or influenced by various entities, including my mother, the media, Hollywood, fans, my spouses, and my daughters.

Instead of plowing ahead with blind determination, following the traditional milestones that society sets for women, I’ve been steadily making progress.

Indeed, while my journey may not follow the traditional path – landing my first job at barely over a year old and making my cinematic debut at nine years old might suggest otherwise – I’ve always strived for the same level of dedication and commitment that my contemporaries do.

I went to college, went back to work, got married, had kids, raised them.

However, there’s a significant change now. Previously, I always prioritized others before myself. But for the first time in more than five decades, I am no longer the central point from which everyone else’s lives revolve.

Over time, my responsibilities as a spouse have shifted, and we’ve found it challenging, both Chris and I, to readjust our bond and reconsider our relationship dynamics.

There was definitely a moment of ‘What are we going to do now?’

It might be somewhat intimidating, but it’s important for you to get reacquainted with one another, as this won’t be like the initial stages of falling in love.

Chris and I may not always agree on leisure activities, but a significant aspect of his daily life revolves around dining. He takes great pleasure in socializing over meals, whether it’s engaging in conversations with friends or the staff at the bar.

Instead of dining at nine, I prefer an early night’s rest, perhaps with a good book or a favorite show. In the morning, I plan to rise for some exercise. However, my perspective on these choices has changed recently.

At the heart of the matter, it’s not the fact that I attended another 8am spin class that will linger in my memory – rather, it’s the meaningful chat with my partner that I shared. This is why, although the allure of staying in pyjamas can be strong, I occasionally make an effort by slipping into heels and joining him at one of our favorite local spots instead.

As a die-hard fan, let me tell you, there’s one shared passion between Chris and myself that runs deep – our mutual love for emerging victorious! We’re not just competitors; we’re a blend of gift and challenge, a thrilling mix of blessings and curses. Winning is not merely an aspiration for us, it’s a way of life.

In our stage of life where we’re not quite kids anymore, yet still young at heart, we experimented with the sport of pickleball as a shared pastime.

On several occasions, we’ve teamed up, but his relentless pursuit of victory leads him to employ those tricky underhand serves which I struggle to counter, hence I have chosen to opt out from playing alongside him.

Competition is fun; constantly feeling like a loser isn’t.

As a devoted enthusiast, I find myself drawn to the timeless charm of Backgammon. Last summer, I had the pleasure of introducing this captivating game to Chris, following some persistent persuasion. Engaging in rounds with him proved to be an enjoyable experience, not only because I often emerged victorious, but also due to the camaraderie and friendly competition it fostered between us.

Over time, I began observing him engage in a form of single-player Backgammon, which he seems to have mastered. More frequently than not, when we compete, it’s me who ends up losing.

For about a week, we’ve been feeling quite out of sorts. Our rhythm seemed off, and that usually sets my nerves on edge. It leaves me with the uneasy feeling that things might be falling apart between us – that this could be the start of something coming to an end.

Each day that week, our conversations seemed tinged with tension. We’d find ourselves butting heads more often than not. One particular disagreement escalated into a heated argument, leaving me yearning to hash it out, while he remained reluctant – the familiar dance of our dynamics. We had reached an impasse.

Initially, I was inside our dwelling, preoccupied in thought, when he phoned me. He suggested, “Fancy joining me for a cup of coffee? Let’s take the backgammon set along and spend some time playing a few rounds while we’re at it.

It was an olive branch, and it worked.

Without having a lengthy discussion, we managed to align our thoughts once more, if not perfectly, then at least more harmoniously.

About two weeks past, I unexpectedly encountered an acquaintance who remarked, ‘We spotted you and your spouse enjoying a game of backgammon outside the café. It was adorable, we both thought.’ At that time, we hadn’t resumed our conversations yet.

Nowadays, we frequently play backgammon at a local French bistro, especially when we feel the need for a break or refreshment.

It’s uncertain if Chris shares my enthusiasm, but he participates on my behalf. Consequently, I attend those late-night dinners for him.

It’s crucial since I understand that if I become overly self-reliant without him, I may excel at it, but such independence could potentially be harmful.

The aim is to spend our later years side by side, and that entails more than just loving one another. I desire for us to maintain a liking for each other as time passes.

The book ‘Aging Gracefully Not an Option: A Memoir by Brooke Shields’ (Piatkus, £25) will be released on January 14. This work is copyrighted by Brooke Shields for the year 2025. If you wish to purchase a copy at a discounted price of £21.25 (offer valid until January 25, 2025; free UK shipping on orders exceeding £25), you may do so by visiting mailshop.co.uk/books or calling 020 3176 2937.

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2025-01-11 04:56