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How Trump and Crypto Stumbled Into Each Other – Junior’s Tale

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How Trump and Crypto Stumbled Into Each Other – Junior’s Tale

In the dim glow of his office, amid papers and cigars, Don Jr. claims their family bank account was colder than Siberia. Turns out, Uncle Sam’s financial aid was as elusive as a honest politician. When the political winds shifted faster than a weather vane, the Trump Organization found itself locked out of the usual money wells, like a circus without the clown.

They had to scramble, searching for life rafts in a sea of banks that suddenly acted as if they didn’t recognize their own grandchildren. “It wasn’t chasing fads,” Jr. said, though everyone watching wondered if he meant “not at all,” or just “not yet.” No, they needed crypto, because apparently, banks had become the new exes—cold, unavailable, and impossible to talk to.

Banking Doors Closed

Before Donald Sr. decided to be the boss, banks in New York treated the family like royalty—or at least like paying customers. Loans? Easy. Deals? Done faster than you can say “interest rate.” But January 2017 hit harder than Uncle Ivan’s hangover. Suddenly, the banks turned into stone gargoyles, ignoring their calls, freezing their projects like a bad date.

“We’re all in on crypto,” Jr. announced, voice dripping with a mix of pride and skepticism, “Not because it was trendy, but because we had no other choice.”

— Squawk Box (@SquawkCNBC) June 3, 2025

Reports say that even with pristine records and shiny real estate assets, the family’s pleas for cash were as ignored as a telephone poll on election night. It was a slap in the face, reminding them that Uncle Sam’s lending hand is often as helpful as a broken umbrella in a storm.

So, the brothers, young Alejandro and Eric, looked outside the traditional big-money cage. They saw a new jungle—one made of blockchain, memes, and hope.

Turning To Crypto

In what could only be described as a typical Chekhovian twist, Junior explained why blockchain drew them in. It wasn’t romance or fancy words—just a way to avoid slow, overpriced title insurance that makes a tax collector look friendly. Faster, cheaper, and no middlemen—sounds like a good deal, right? Or at least better than waiting for a bank that’s probably gone on vacation.

He called it a “necessary pivot,” which is fancy speak for “we had no other option, and it looks good on paper.” Basically, the family found themselves in a financial pickle and decided to dance with the devil (or perhaps a meme coin) to keep things afloat.

Debate Over Meme Coin

Of course, where there are billionaires, there are trolls. The Trump family didn’t jump into the meme coin pool with reckless abandon, Jr. insists. No, it was more like “a proof of concept”—a way to show that even with walls up, money can find its shady way around.

In a dazzling display of modern circus acts, Trump launched the TRUMP coin, followed by Melania’s MELANIA token. Rumor has it that 80% of these coins are in the hands of Trump-related groups, which makes one wonder if they’re collecting more than just souvenirs. Critics fret that these coins are like legal hide-and-seek games—money disappearing in the mists of anonymity.

Jr. dismisses concerns, saying crypto is as transparent as a foggy morning in Siberia—hard to trace, but you can’t see much anyway. Critics? They’re just jealous and probably don’t own a meme coin.

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2025-06-04 19:16

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