Fed’s Rate Cut Drama Sparks Crypto Mayhem-Will Bitcoin Mourn or Moon?

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On an oppressively humid Thursday in Miami-where even the mosquitoes perspire-Federal Reserve Governor Christopher Waller, that connoisseur of monetary mosaics, languidly declared his readiness to unsheath the shears and snip interest rates come September.

“Based on what I know today-and what a delectable ignorance it is-I would support a 25 basis point cut at the Committee’s ritual meeting,” Waller intoned, his gaze suggesting he’d just licked a particularly tangy stamp. The 16th and 17th of September now wheeze with anticipation.

Waller, who might soon wobble into Fed Chair Powell’s not-yet-vacated seat (is there a velvet chaise for financial grandees?), had already pirouetted against the status quo in July, when he and his merry companion dared to dissent as the Federal Open Market Committee held rates as motionless as a cat at dawn.

Meanwhile, Chair Powell-always the astute weathercock-served hints of a September rate cut. The market, wired on caffeine and existential dread, immediately began frothing at the mouth. 📈

Crypto reversal imminent?

Friday morning arrived like an uninvited aunt, bringing gifts of inflation: hotter-than-expected, and just as beloved. Crypto-traders, ever the loyal children of volatility, responded with a chorus of selling indistinguishable from a panicked opera.
Crypto chaos graphic
Bitcoin, the perennial drama queen, swooned almost 5% to a jealous $108,000. Its entourage-XRP, Dogecoin, Stellar (XLM), Shiba Inu, Cardano (ADA) and Chainlink (LINK)-scrambled after, shedding their dignity along with their percentages (between 4% and 8%). 😱

Julia’s inflation figures arrived courtesy of the Fed’s preferred measuring stick-though one suspects the stick was on stilts. The core PCE index twitched precisely 0.3%, as foretold by armchair economists and bored actuaries everywhere. The personal consumption expenditures index rang in at a 2.9% annual rate, reaching for the ceiling like a teenager on tiptoe, leaving June’s measly numbers to sulk in the corner.

With a celestial target of 2%, the Fed remains as uncomfortable as a man forced into skinny jeans by fate. Markets, undeterred by reality, expect the monetary high priests to lower rates next month, which-if one consults the sacred chicken entrails-is bullish for cryptocurrencies.
Will Bitcoin moon, or simply mummify its memories at $108,000? Consult your crystal ball, or better yet, your nearest economist. 🔮

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2025-08-29 19:28