ETHZilla’s Cash-Cow Capers: $250M Buyback Bonanza 🐉💸

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ETHZilla, in a move both baffling and brilliant, liquidated $40M of its ETH treasury to fund a $250M stock buyback-while hoarding $400M in crypto like a Scrooge McDuck with a blockchain fetish.

 

Ethereum’s most flamboyant treasury firm, ETHZilla, has embarked on a fiscal sleight-of-hand, offloading $40 million in ether (ETH) to fund a grandiose $250 million share repurchase scheme. The goal? To shrink its share count and bridge the chasm between its stock price and net asset value (NAV). One might imagine a Victorian baron selling silverware to buy back his own company shares-minus the silverware, plus the blockchain.

ETHZilla’s ETH Liquidation: A Shareholder’s Delight 🎉

On October 24, ETHZilla confirmed it had sold approximately $40 million in ETH, a transaction that funded the repurchase of roughly 600,000 shares. With a mere $12 million spent so far, the firm has already seen its stock surge 14.5%-a modest return by Wall Street standards, but impressive for a company that once traded at $107 (before crypto’s “glory days,” obviously).

The board sanctioned this $250 million plan in August 2025, and now the firm pledges to continue selling ETH like a modern-day tulip mania participant. The program will persist until the stock price “aligns” with NAV-a term as vague as a crypto influencer’s investment thesis.

Stock Price: Up, But Not Up Enough 📈🙃

Post-announcement, ETHZilla’s stock (ETHZ) soared 14.5% and added another 9% after hours, briefly flirting with $22.50. Yet it remains a humble $85 shy of its 2025 zenith, when the company first declared its love for Ethereum. Chairman McAndrew Rudisill, ever the optimist, insists the stock remains “significantly discounted”-a euphemism akin to calling a burning house “cozy.”

$400M in ETH: The New Black 🐉💎

Despite the recent liquidation, ETHZilla retains a staggering $400 million in ETH-a treasure trove that would make Scrooge McDuck blush. The firm now boasts one of the largest Ethereum treasuries in the public markets, a feat that even Warren Buffett might nod at, if only to question the sanity of it all.

In August, Peter Thiel’s Founders Fund acquired a 7.5% stake in ETHZilla, a move that signals institutional confidence-or perhaps a midlife crisis. Either way, it’s a nod to the old guard embracing the new (and increasingly volatile) guard.

Copycat Treasuries: The Great Crypto Balancing Act 🤹♂️

ETHZilla is not alone in its fiscal theatrics. SharpLink Gaming (SBET), another Ethereum-obsessed entity, approved a $1.5 billion buyback earlier this year. These moves reflect a broader trend: crypto treasuries leveraging digital assets to “improve valuation” and attract investors. One can only wonder if these investors will still be around when the next bear market arrives.

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2025-10-28 14:26