Ethereum’s Privacy Quest: Vitalik’s Comedic Crusade Against Wallet Woes

by

Ethereum‘s Privacy Quest: Vitalik’s Comedic Crusade Against Wallet Woes

At the grandiose Ethereum Cypherpunk Congress 2, held on the historic date of November 16, 2025, our dear Vitalik Buterin graced the stage with a keynote titled “Kohaku: Wallet Privacy On Ethereum.” The audience, a bundle of eager faces and slightly confused tech types, was treated to a verdict on Ethereum privacy that sounded suspiciously like a cryptographic soap opera: the cryptography is sound, but the user experience is about as smooth as a hedgehog in a balloon factory.

He kicked off by reminding everyone that Ethereum has been flirting with privacy and security infrastructure for a decade-talk about a long-term relationship that’s now hitting the skids. He pointed to the elliptic-curve precompiles added back in 2018-“EC-add, EC-mul, EC-pairing”-which, no doubt, sound as thrilling as a cup of warm dishwater, as the backbone for protocols like Tornado Cash and Railgun. Not forgetting the Privacy & Scaling Explorations team’s dabblings with zkSNARK protocols, developer tools, and whatnot-because who doesn’t love a good cryptographic jigsaw puzzle? 🎲

On the matter of security, Vitalik reminisced about the infamous 2016 DAO hack-an event that, if history books were written today, would be a page-turner. It “really catalyzed the ecosystem,” leading to more audits, stiffening of Solidity and Vyper, and multisig wallets that, in the dark days of 2015, were the stuff of legend, yet now are about as rare as a hen’s teeth. Truly, progress marches on, if more slowly than a snail on a salt flat.

Vitalik: Pushing Ethereum Towards Actual Wallet Privacy

Despite all these shiny advancements, our hero declared that average Joes and Janes are still floundering in the privacy swamp. “On real-world privacy and security delivered to users,” he proclaimed, “we’re still lagging behind where we could be.” The sort of progress that’s as elusive as a cat in a dark room with slippers-easily said, hard to do. “And that is the thing that could change, and that is the thing that this year can change,” he added, with all the optimism of a kid waiting for Santa, if Santa ran a blockchain startup.

He assured the crowd that “the core privacy stack is mature,” which is, in crypto parlance, probably code for “you can generate proofs faster than you can brew a good cup of coffee.” It’s straightforward, well-understood, and tested-everything one desires in cryptography. The snag, however, occurs at the wallet layer, where user-friendliness is about as friendly as a cactus in a balloon shop.

“Using a privacy protocol,” he explained, “requires a separate seed phrase. There’s no multi-sig option. So, if your coins are in a private pool, they’re controlled by a single, lonely key.” He went on to describe how users must typically open a “privacy wallet,” which involves about five clicks-an ordeal that would make a dental appointment seem like a day at the beach. Even broadcasting transactions is a game of “try until VPN works”-because nothing says fun like fighting with public broadcasters in your pajamas.

He concluded with a rallying cry: “We’re in this very last mile stage,” adding, with all the enthusiasm of a man who’s just found out his train is canceled, that “it’s exactly at that last mile stage where we need to put a lot of really concerted effort into doing better.”

Today during @web3privacy, maestro @VitalikButerin highlighted #Kohaku, a new Ethereum framework focused on bringing real privacy to wallets. $eth

All 8mins here:

– Tommy B. (@realtommybibi) November 16, 2025

In summing up the state of Ethereum in 2025, Buterin compared it to a well-oiled machine: “strong security and privacy research,” “robust security on the L1,” and privacy tools that have “improved by miles” since the days of “the very first version of Zcash,” which took a couple of minutes just to sign a transaction-talk about slow as molasses! However, he insists that the real challenge remains-“leveling up that last mile,” especially at the application and wallet layer, because, let’s face it, that’s where user patience runs out faster than the price of a crypto meme.

The Ethereum Foundation announced Kohaku on October 9 via X, with a mission statement as noble as it gets: “The Ethereum Foundation is proud to build Kohaku, a set of primitives that enables wallets to be secure and to process private transactions while minimizing dependencies on trusted third parties. Privacy is normal. Privacy is for everyone.” Because nothing says democracy like cryptography! 🕵️‍♂️

At the time of writing, ETH is trading at a cool $3,194-more stable than a Jenga tower on a Sunday afternoon.

Read More

2025-11-17 19:56