Ethereum & Columbia’s $6M ‘Sky-Computer’ Hub: Will It Save the World? 🚀💸

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In a move that can only be described as either visionary or delusional-perhaps both-the Ethereum Foundation and Columbia University have joined forces to establish a “Blockchain Research Center.” This illustrious hub, hosted at Columbia Engineering, will presumably spend millions of dollars attempting to design a “global computer in the sky,” a phrase that sounds less like tech jargon and more like a metaphor for bureaucratic overreach. 🌐

Leading this endeavor is Tim Roughgarden, a blockchain protocol expert whose credentials include a PhD, a LinkedIn profile, and an uncanny ability to make the word “infrastructure” sound like the most thrilling concept since the wheel. The center’s mission? To “shape the infrastructure layer”-a euphemism that might as well mean “pretend to solve problems while sipping artisanal coffee.” ☕

The Ethereum Foundation, ever the generous benefactor of academic whims, has pledged to match up to $500,000 in donations annually for three years. According to their very official-sounding X post, this will “support research and educational initiatives.” One wonders if these initiatives will include mandatory blockchain-themed yoga or a seminar on the philosophical implications of NFTs. 🧘♂️🎨

0/ The Ethereum Foundation is committed to supporting the ‘Columbia-Ethereum Research Center on Blockchain Protocol Design’ by matching up to $500,000 in donations each year for the first three years.

With a total funding pool of $6 million from the Foundation and an additional $1.5 million from philanthropists (who, let’s be honest, are just investors with better PR), the center will fund fellowships, research grants, and industry residencies. This means Columbia faculty and students will now have the opportunity to network with “leading researchers”-a term that might include people who once gave a TED Talk about cryptocurrency. 🤝

Hsiao-Wei Wang of the Ethereum Foundation declared, “Ethereum has always been about exploring what decentralized systems can enable…”-a statement that sounds profound until you realize it could apply to a lemonade stand with a GitHub repo. 🍋💻

Columbia Engineering Dean Shih-Fu Chang added, “By bringing together experts from different disciplines…”-a phrase that has never failed to precede a PowerPoint presentation on “synergy.” 📊

Programs Driving Knowledge and Innovation (Or Just Busy Work)

The center will run graduate fellowships, competitive research proposals, and a summer bootcamp for junior researchers. One can only hope the bootcamp includes a mandatory course on how to pronounce “blockchain” without sounding like a confused toddler. 🎓

Roughgarden, that paragon of blockchain enthusiasm, insisted the initiative will “secure Columbia’s status as a global leader in the field.” A bold claim, especially since the field is still debating whether blockchain can be used to track pineapple deliveries. 🍍

This partnership, aside from its financial generosity, promises to “blend deep research with reliable impact”-a phrase so vague it could describe a cloud. But hey, at least the coffee will be decentralized. ☕🚀

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2025-09-19 00:08