Crypto’s 112 Angry Men: Developers Demand Senate Not Throw Them Under the Blockchain

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In what can only be described as a cosmic act worthy of the Master and Margarita’s finest gatherings, a coalition-112 crypto companies, investors, and advocacy groups (yes, precisely 112, as if summoned by mystical numerology)-found themselves composing a letter. Not to Satan, but Washington! There is uncanny symmetry here. Dostoevsky would faint at their precision; Bulgakov would order another round.

On a Wednesday thick with bureaucratic stew, this grand congregation addressed the Senate Banking and Agriculture Committees. Picture clerks nervously fixing their ties, ink blotters trembling. The crypto crowd insisted they speak “with one voice,” though anyone who’s attended a blockchain conference knows it’s actually more like a cacophony of parakeets invested in Dogecoin. 🦜📈

“Grant robust, nationwide protections for software developers and non-custodial service providers in market structure legislation,” the letter declared, as if the fate of civilization depended on whether your crypto wallet is held by you or-Heaven forbid-some intermediary in a polyester suit. They threatened (politely), “Without such protections, we cannot support a market structure bill.” Gasp! The financial oligarchs shiver; dinner plans postponed.

Among the signatories marched the usual suspects: Coinbase, Kraken, Ripple, a16z, Uniswap Labs-every name you’d find scribbled in a tech bro’s notebook, sulking in a Palo Alto café-and the mighty lobbies, Blockchain Association! Digital Chamber! It all smacks of a Chekhovian cast list, minus the heavy coats and existential dread (just normal regulatory dread).

US risks losing ground in crypto

Crypto advocates painted a vision of the future where America is so far behind in open-source development, even Dostoevsky’s ghosts would pity us. Electric Capital data (no word on whether it runs on vodka or just pure anxiety), revealed the US share of open-source blockchain developers fell with the grace of a bad circus act: from 25% in 2021 to a measly 18% in 2025. Blame regulatory uncertainty. Or, perhaps, cosmic confusion. 🤖🇺🇸

To foster an environment where innovators can build financial infrastructure unafraid of wandering onto the set of a Kafka novel, the coalition demands explicit federal protections for developers and non-custodial service providers. No more tragic tales of innovation fleeing America for Switzerland (which, let’s face it, has better chocolate anyway).

The letter gently (as a bull in a china shop) reminded senators that only such safeguards can prevent American innovation from packing its bags, avoid state laws colliding like drunken trams, and solidify bipartisan support-see: the CLARITY Act, which passed with such overwhelming support that you’d think crypto was handing out free tickets to Disneyland.

Crypto market bill to reach Trump by year-end

And in a twist worthy of turning water into vodka, last week Senator Cynthia Lummis predicted that a digital asset market structure bill will land on President Donald Trump’s desk “before the end of the year,” destined for journey through the Senate Banking Committee by September, then caught like a stray pigeon in the Senate Agriculture Committee by October. All this before Thanksgiving (because frankly, crypto never sleeps, and neither do interns). 🦃📜

The bill’s destiny: to reveal how the SEC and CFTC will wrangle crypto markets. Lummis, with mystic confidence, insists the legislation might appear before we carve the turkey. Will developers rejoice, or just swap their bitcoin for gravy? Stay tuned: the bureaucratic circus continues, and the audience is you.

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2025-08-27 16:58