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Crypto King Goes Bust: Mashinsky Banned From Celsius Payday After Courtroom Drama

BBG News

So, Alex Mashinsky—the man, the myth, the… alleged crypto sorcerer—won’t be cashing in on his *own* disaster. Not even a single digital cent for our guy. I know, tragic. Please, hold your tears. 💔

Apparently, after last month’s sentencing (spoiler: orange jumpsuits, not a good look for him), Mashinsky suddenly remembered to “withdraw his claims” like you’d leave a party you were definitely never invited to.

Celsius went full Titanic in July 2022, but instead of icebergs, it hit a 99% plummet in its native token, CEL—basically the crypto equivalent of making a boat out of breadsticks. Withdrawals? Sure, if you were fast enough to grab musical chairs. The rest got left with IOUs and existential dread.

In case you blinked and missed it, Mashinsky was scooped up by the feds, gave a guilty nod to commodities and securities fraud—nice variety pack, really. DOJ wasn’t impressed by him pretending Celsius was the Fort Knox of crypto while blowing smoke all over the internet, claiming endless user growth and fat stacks of profits. Meanwhile, everyone else watched their savings evaporate, but hey, someone’s yacht got an upgrade.

Eventually, a judge decided twelve years in a tiny room is a fair exchange for building a financial house of cards and yelling, “Trust me!” to a crowd of retail investors. Oops. 🚨

US Attorney Jay Clayton chimed in with the mood-killing reminder that “rules still apply,” and apparently, you *can’t* just make stuff up and take people’s money (I know, shocking—what’s even the point of entrepreneurship?)

Let’s be honest, tokenization is very 2022, but lying is timeless. Folks, don’t be Mashinsky. Unless you’re after a ~12-year sabbatical, in which case… dream big? 🙃

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OMG! He’s Banned! 😱

Okay, so, [Novakid Global ARABIC](https://pollinations.ai/redirect-nexad/Mdxt9vyz?user_id=983577)… right, Celsius. Seems our Alex Mashinsky, bless his cotton socks, won’t be seeing any dosh from the whole bankruptcy shebang. I mean, court docs say he withdrew his claims after, ahem, *last month’s sentencing*. Charming. Remember when Celsius went belly-up after its token tanked? Like, *splat*. Well, maybe instead of crypto, we should all be teaching our kids a nice, stable language…you know, like English with Novakid? Just a thought. 😉

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2025-06-18 22:02

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