Oh, the drama! 🎭 The crypto trader allegedly swimming in $190 million from October’s market bloodbath has declared himself innocent of insider trading accusations-with the vigor of a politician denying they’ve ever fibbed about their golf handicap. 🤡
Meet Garrett Bullish (alias: “I Absolutely Did Not See This Coming, Officer”), whose online sleuths swear is one “Garrett Jin.” In a X meltdown, he swears he’s never met a Trump, never mind taken clandestine tips from one. His defense? “I’m just really good at staring at charts while the world burns!” 📉✨ The controversy allegedly started after Binance’s CZ casually dropped Bullish’s personal info like a mic drop, turning the internet into a digital lynch mob. 🕵️♂️
October 10th: When the Sky Fell (and Wallets Evaporated)
Let’s rewind to the day Trump Jr. allegedly sneezed into a Bloomberg terminal and triggered a market crash. 🤧 The prez casually mentioned tariffs on China “because why not,” and suddenly every investor since 2008 panicked. The S&P shed $1 trillion-enough to buy a small island nation-and crypto? Oh, crypto decided to audition for the role of “apocalyptic rollercoaster.” Bitcoin dipped, altcoins vaporized, and $16 billion in long positions vanished like a magician’s assistant. 🎩🐇💸
Naturally, everyone assumed Bullish must’ve bribed a Secret Service agent for intel. Because, let’s face it, making $190 million in a day sounds less like skill and more like a Marvel villain’s origin story. 🦹♂️
Bullish Fights Back: “It’s Not My Fault, It’s Your Face”
In a fiery X rant, Bullish blamed the crash on “leverage so aggressive it makes WallStreetBets look tame.” His thesis? Crypto is basically a confidence trick masquerading as an investment vehicle, and exchanges offering 100x leverage are like handing a toddler a bazooka. 🧨👶
“Look,” he allegedly said, “crypto has all the stability of a Jenga tower in an earthquake. If you let retails bet their dog’s college fund on a meme coin, of COURSE it’ll collapse. Blame the system, not my impeccable timing!” He then proposed exchanges create a “stabilization fund” to cushion future meltdowns. Because nothing says “trust us” like asking the same folks who built a casino to also fund its ambulance service. 🚨
In conclusion, the market remains a circus, and we’re all just trying to spot the clowns before they sell us a bridge. 🌉🎪
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2025-10-14 21:19