Crypto Crash & Whale Moves: What’s Next? 💸🔥

Welcome to the crypto version of a bad dating app profile-no one’s happy, everyone’s confused, and the prices are all over the place. Bitcoin dropped to a monthly low of $108k, which is like your ex saying they’re “not into you” after you paid for dinner. 🤡💸

Top Headlines

Here’s the tea, folks: the market’s acting like a toddler with a sugar high. Bitcoin’s down, altcoins are crying, and whales are doing the cha-cha. 🕺📉

Crypto Market Tumbles

Bitcoin hit a monthly low of $109k, which is basically the crypto world’s “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” moment. 🤯 Meanwhile, ETH, SOL, and XRP are playing the “I’m fine, really” card. The Fed’s rate cut hopes? Gone. Investor confidence? Also gone. 🧨

Bitcoin Whale Move Funds to Ethereum (ETH)

A whale with $11B in BTC decided to switch to ETH, because nothing says “trust me” like moving your money to a different boat that’s also sinking. 🚢📉

Arthur Hayes Predict 126x Spike in HIKE Price

Arthur Hayes said HYPE will go to $5k by 2028. That’s like predicting your pet goldfish will win the Olympics. 🐠🏅

Altcoin Treasuries Continue Rising

Companies are diversifying their crypto portfolios, because nothing says “we’re serious” like holding more than just Bitcoin. B Strategy, Luxxfolio, Trump Media-yes, even Trump is investing in crypto. Because why not? 🤝📉

Brazil and Philippines Plans Strategic Bitcoin Reserve

Brazil and the Philippines want to add Bitcoin to their reserves. Because nothing says “financial stability” like putting your money into a digital asset that’s more volatile than a teenager’s mood. 🤡💸

News You Might Have Missed

MJ and Adele’s Instagrams were hacked to promote a Solana memecoin. Because nothing says “I’m rich” like being hacked by a meme. 🧢💩

UAE is now the 4th largest Bitcoin holder. Because if you’re going to hoard gold, why not hoard digital gold? Or is it just a fancy way of saying they’re investing in something that’s not real? 🤔💰

Top Gainers and Losers this Week

Cronos surged 99% after Trump Media’s announcement. Because if you can’t trust the market, trust Trump Media’s crypto strategy. Or maybe it’s just a temporary fix. 🤯📈

What to expect for next week?

Next week’s predictions are as clear as a foggy mirror. The U.S. Jobless Claims, PCE Price Index, and PMI data could make or break the market. But honestly, who knows? It’s all a gamble, and the house always wins. 🃏💣

2025-08-30 20:06