Crypto & Banks?! Oh, Great. 🙄

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So, they want to mix banks with, you know… that crypto stuff? It’s a pro-America bank, apparently. Like the other banks aren’t American enough? And they’re racing to…Nasdaq?! It’s a whole thing. Faster blockchain access? Listen, if I wanted faster access to something complicated, I’d take the express lane to the post office. Still a nightmare, but… faster. 🤷

The Banking Disruption Wall Street Feared: Old Glory Wants Your Crypto, Seriously.

Okay, so this “Old Glory Bank” – a name that frankly feels like it’s trying too hard – is merging with some company, Digital Asset Acquisition Corporation. Very creative name, by the way. Sounds like something from a bad sci-fi movie. They’re calling it a “special purpose acquisition transaction”. Special? What’s so special about it? It’s just… merging! 🙄

This guy, Michael Staw-and is “Staw” even a name?-he says:

“We intend for Old Glory Bank to be the first chartered bank to fully integrate crypto into daily banking.”

Fully integrate? So, like, instead of getting a statement, I get a string of random numbers? No thank you! This is all just… unnecessary. “Too confusing, slow, and difficult?” for people to move money? Tell me about it! Everything is confusing, slow and difficult these days! That’s life! 😤 And this “OGB Freedom Offramp?” Sounds like a highway toll booth!

The deal supposedly closes in… 2026? Seriously? That’s basically the future! Who knows what will be happening in 2026? We might all be living on Mars, for all I know! And they need $50 million in…PIPE financing? It sounds like they are building a plumbing system! 🤦

And the leadership? Dr. Ben Carson, Larry Elder, Sean Spicer… it’s a collection of people I disagree with on, well, pretty much everything. They’re all about “freedom.” Okay, great. But I need a bank account that just works, you know? And apparently they like firearms, oil and gas. Of course they do. It’s all connected. Look, I don’t need my bank taking political stances, I just need them to not lose my money. Is that too much to ask?!

This Staw guy again:

“Old Glory Bank intends to offer fast and easy self-service crypto loans for our great customers who do not want to sell crypto, receive a 1099-DA, and potentially be subject to tax.”

Oh, so a loan against your crypto? Because that’s a really sound financial decision. And they’re worried about 1099-DAs? You’re getting a loan, it’s going to get taxed! It’s just how it works! It’s like being surprised that water is wet! Ugh. And their own “stablecoin”? OGBUSD? As opposed to what? UnstableUSD? 🤨

FAQ ⏰

  • What is this whole thing about?
    They’re trying to make a bank that does crypto stuff. A bank. Doing crypto. It’s a mess.
  • When is this supposed to happen?
    Sometime in 2026. Maybe. Don’t hold your breath.
  • How much money are they playing with?
    A lot! Enough to make me nervous.
  • What kind of crypto stuff are we talking about?
    Loans, moving money, a coin… the whole nine yards. It’s a complete headache.

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2026-01-18 07:03