Crypto Apocalypse?! 😱 Bitcoin’s Epic Fail!

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Right, so Trump’s ‘Liberation Day’ – more like ‘Liberation from My Savings’ Day, am I right? 😂 – didn’t just kick crypto in the teeth; it went for the jugular of global stock markets. China, Japan, even bloody Germany got a slap. All those tariffs, like a really passive-aggressive game of tennis. And the uncertainty? Thicker than my last relationship. Consecutive 10% drop? Apparently, that’s only happened four times in history. We’re special, you guys. ✨

And get this – each time it happened before, it led to a total economic stshow. ‘Black Friday’, the housing bubble, bloody COVID. Now, we’re wondering if this ‘Tariff War’ is going to do the same. Fantastic. Just what we needed. 🙄

Crypto Market No More Decentralised

Oh, the irony. Crypto was supposed to be all rebellious and anti-establishment. Turns out, institutions are all over it now. Like finding out your cool indie band sold out to a car commercial. Microstrategy’s got a massive hoard of Bitcoin – like a dragon guarding its gold. 🐉

And Blackrock’s got almost as much. Remember when crypto was supposed to be safe from the stock market’s drama? Yeah, good times. Now, they’re holding hands and skipping into the abyss together. Another 15-20% plunge coming? Joy. 🥂

What’s Next for Bitcoin’s (BTC) Price Rally?

Bitcoin’s lost its ‘pivotal support’. Sounds serious, doesn’t it? Like a structural engineer losing their coffee. It’s clinging on for dear life, but the big question is: is this just a little wobble, or is it the beginning of the end? 💀

The charts are screaming danger. No room for a rebound, apparently. The weekly Ichimoku Cloud (whatever the hell that is) is doing a ‘bearish crossover’. Sounds kinky. And the weekly RSI (still clueless) is in the danger zone. Basically, if things get worse, Bitcoin’s going to plummet faster than my standards after three glasses of wine. 🍷

So, what to do? Apparently, the best plan is to just hold on tight and pretend everything’s fine. Classic. But hey, maybe, just maybe, things will get better. And if they do, Bitcoin will bounce back. Eventually. 🤞

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2025-04-07 08:40