Coinbase’s New Moves: Stocks, Predictions & Crypto Dreams 🚀

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Oh, Coinbase, the financial equivalent of a Swiss Army knife-except instead of a blade, it’s a blockchain. 🚀💸 This week, they’re rolling out a “comprehensive financial app” that’s basically a buffet of stocks, futures, and prediction markets. Because who needs a clear purpose when you can have 100% confusion? 🤯

Brian Armstrong’s Vision

CEO Brian Armstrong is basically a financial wizard who’s decided to turn Coinbase into a “one-stop shop” for everything from equities to crypto. Because why not? 🤝 The prediction market? It’s still run by Kalshi and Polymarket, but Armstrong insists it’s not just about trading-it’s about “gauging what might happen next month.” Like, duh. 🗓️

“Only 1% of users treat it as a trading asset,” he says, “while 99% use it for insights. Almost like traditional media… but with more emojis.” 🤭

Meanwhile, Robinhood is busy turning prediction markets into sports-style bets. Because nothing says “financial innovation” like wagering on whether your team will win. 🎯

New Outcome Trading And Tokenization Strategy

Coinbase is now betting on the future of brokerage services. Because nothing says “unified platform” like mixing traditional assets, derivatives, and blockchain. 🧩 The tokenization strategy? It’s like turning your grandma’s house into a digital token. 🏠✨

“Trading stocks is a good start,” says Armstrong. “Eventually, we’ll tokenize everything. Including your ex’s bad decisions.” 💸

Coinbase Tokenize: the institutional-grade infrastructure for turning real-world assets into blockchain magic. Because who needs liquidity when you can have a “democratized” system? 🌍

For businesses, Coinbase is now a “global” player-US and Singapore, because privacy is overrated. 🌐 And custom stablecoins? Because every brand needs its own digital cash. 💸

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2025-12-18 16:23