Coinbase’s New Card Lets You Smell Bitcoin ☠️💸

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Coinbase’s New Card Lets You Smell Bitcoin ☠️💸

Ah, the modern tale of progress and folly! The grand US cryptocurrency exchange, Coinbase, has chosen to unveil a marvel—a card, oh so elegant, inspired by the mysterious genesis block of blockchain itself! Imagine holding in your hand a slip of plastic that promises you bit by bit, in cashback, the very essence of digital gold: Bitcoin.

This wondrous piece of plastic, adorned with the genesis block’s design (a real work of art, if you like cryptographic poetry), shall bestow upon its wielder up to 4% BTC back on each purchase. Yes, dear reader, four per cent—mere crumbs perhaps, but oh, how sweet they taste! 🍪

Introducing the Coinbase One Card.
Earn up to 4% bitcoin back on every purchase.

Powered by @AmericanExpress network.
Coming fall 2025.

— Coinbase 🛡️ (@coinbase) June 12, 2025

Now, as to the size of this reward—imagine, the more assets you amass on Coinbase, the fatter the percentage of your bitcoin loot! Truly a modern twist on the old adage: “The more you hold, the more you get.” One might wonder if this is generosity or merely a scheme to keep us glued to our screens, staring at numbers that dance like the shadows on a dying fire.

Mark your calendars, for this marvel shall be available in late 2025. And as every good show, more secrets shall be revealed when it finally appears—possibly with trumpet fanfares or a parade of digital clowns.

Meanwhile, the wise CEO Brian Armstrong pontificates that Bitcoin could ascend to become the world’s reserve currency—an idea that fills some with hope and others with existential dread, much like a Russian winter.

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2025-06-12 23:25