Cathie Wood’s Crypto Gamble 🚀

So, Cathie Wood. You know, the lady who makes investing look like a particularly risky game of pin the tail on the donkey? Her firm, Ark Invest-worth, I don’t know, enough to buy a small country, probably-just dropped $172 million into something called “Bullish.” Bullish. It sounds less like a financial instrument and more like what your uncle says after his third gin and tonic. 🙄

Apparently, Bullish is a crypto exchange that went public this week and promptly did that whole thing where a stock jumps around like it’s trying to escape a burning building. Eighty-three point eight percent surge! It’s the kind of percentage that makes my blood pressure spike, and I’m just reading about it. Ark scooped up a whole mess of shares across three different ETFs-ARKK, ARKW, and ARKF-because clearly, one isn’t enough. You really have to diversify your portfolio of…enthusiasm, I guess.

This all happens in 2025, which, if you’re keeping track, is the future. And, according to someone, Cathie Wood is suddenly very into crypto again. You know, after it wasn’t cool for, like, five minutes. It’s nice to see her stick to her guns, even if those guns are occasionally pointed at her own foot.

Someone Thought Bullish Would Go Up

So, Bullish. Founded in 2021, based in Gibraltar (I had to Google it-it’s near Spain), and bankrolled by Peter Thiel, who, let’s be honest, probably has a bunker somewhere stocked with Bitcoin and canned peaches. They started at $37 a share, then shot up to $90. Ninety dollars! Then it settled back down to $68. It’s like a rollercoaster designed by someone who’s never been on a rollercoaster. Then, just to keep things interesting, it went “up another 11.2%” after the market closed. The breathless reporting from Yahoo Finance almost gave me whiplash.

They raised $1.1 billion, which I assume is being used to hire consultants who specialize in explaining the plot to anyone who asks. They want to be the “regulated, institutional-level” trading platform. You know, the kind where you can lose all your money with a certain degree of official oversight. A true innovation.

Some guy named Jeff Zell of IPO Boutique said Bullish had an “attractive initial valuation.” Attractive to whom? People who enjoy financial suspense? 🤔

Anyway, Ark buying all this Bullish stock is supposed to mean everyone should feel good about crypto again. Which, honestly, is a lot to ask. But, hey, at least it gives us something to talk about at dinner parties. Besides, I’m sure we all have a spare $172 million lying around somewhere… right?

2025-08-14 07:34

Someone Thought Bullish Would Go Up

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