Crypto news

Ah, the world of Web3 gaming… where giants like FIFA and Sega are still trying to turn their blockchain dreams into reality despite a stunning 17% drop in gaming activity, a jaw-dropping 93% fall in funding (hello, two-year low!), and over 300 dApps sinking into the abyss of inactivity by Q2 2025. Now, just when we thought we’d seen it all, the Karrat Foundation rolls in with Studio Chain. Spoiler alert: It’s not another vaporwave project, folks! This Layer 2 blockchain is specifically designed to take Web3 gaming and entertainment to the next level – without getting lost in the toxic swamp of unrealistic tokenomics, weak investor support, or, let’s face it, games that couldn’t keep players if their lives depended on it.

Our heroic whale, in a move that mirrors mythic lore, throws 300,000 ETH into Aave, the decentralized lending coliseum, borrowing $500 million USDT. It’s as if Zeus threw lightning bolts just to see if they’d stick, only this time, it’s ETH and USDT, and the sky is just a fancy metaphor for blockchain consensus. The scene is dominated by one figure, hoarding the lion’s share-more than half of all the USDT locked up-because what’s a blockchain party without a little drama and a dash of monopoly? 🎲🤡

So, what’s behind this sudden glow-up? Well, darling, it’s all about the drama. 🍿 Trump decided to pardon CZ, the crypto darling who’s been tangoing with U.S. anti-money laundering laws. 🕺 Boom! Instant pro-crypto signal, and WLFI is like, “Yes, daddy, more!” 👑 Because let’s face it, this token is basically a “Make Crypto Great Again” hat you can trade. 🎩

Based-an omnichannel trading platform that, for reasons we assume are related to hyper-advanced technology, runs on Hyperliquid (HYPE, for the cool kids)-is upgrading its livestream crypto trading game after some success with a 48-hour prototype. That’s right, they managed to get people trading live and sending in donations faster than you can say “Satoshi Nakamoto.” And now, they’re rolling out a bigger, better, faster, and more profitable version. Cue the confetti.

In the year of our Lord 2025, on the fourth day of October, the press secretary of the White House, a woman named Karoline Leavitt, didst proclaim unto the world that the President, Donald Trump, had exercised his peculiar constitutional magic upon CZ. This act, she declared, was a blow struck against the “war on crypto” waged by the Bidenites, who, in their zeal, had pursued the man without the faintest whisper of fraud or a single victim identifiable by name or sobriety.

One might say he gently hints that unless we are to witness some extraordinary and perhaps scandalous events, the poor Bitcoin is more likely to linger in its current modest perch rather than leap into the stratosphere, quite like a nervous debutante at her first ball-expecting grandeur but often settling for modest elegance.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the release of the Consumer Price Index (CPI) must be in want of stirring the crypto markets into a frenzy of speculation and mild panic.📈💰 Behold, dear reader, for September’s CPI is anticipated to reveal a 3.1% rise in the cost of living-a figure not seen in eighteen months! Such news, though hardly surprising in these times of economic tumult, is nonetheless sufficient to set investors’ hearts aflutter.

Fine, they say it’s in an “ascending channel” since… whenever. Late 2024? I wasn’t even born then! This ChartNerd – a real genius, this one – says it’s “testing support.” Support! Like my mother-in-law “supporting” my life choices. The MACD shows “higher lows”? Oh, wonderful. More lows. Just what we need. 🙄

Ethereum, ever the drama queen, staged a modest comeback from the $3,710 abyss, mimicking Bitcoin’s script like a desperate playwright. It vaulted $3,800 and $3,820 with the grace of a drunken Cossack, entering a “positive zone”-a term as vague as a politician’s promise.

Will Sam Bankman-Fried, that erstwhile emperor of FTX, slink back from the abyss with a presidential pardon? Ah, the eternal farce of human vanity!