In the last 24 hours, $2.51 billion were liquidated in leveraged bets across the crypto market, according to CoinGlass data. A total of $2.03 billion of this figure was long positions expecting the market to rebound, while short positions accounted for $475.66 million. One might say the market is as predictable as a drunk seagull at a sandwich shop.
With a volatility rate that could leave even the most seasoned acrobat breathless at 2.7%, and a market cap that struts about boasting $1.36 trillion, Bitcoin seems to have taken on the role of the tragicomic lead in this unfolding drama. Alas, the 24-hour trading volume stands at a staggering $167.17 billion, perhaps a reminder of how much money can evaporate in the blink of an eye.
As our dear friend crypto flounders about, this latest escapade seems to be driven by escalating tensions in the Middle East. This has sent risk assets fleeing faster than cats from water, leaving behind a trail of confused investors wondering if they accidentally clicked “Buy” on their most recent impulse purchase.
At first glance, this rebound looks as promising as that cute guy who says he’s totally ready for a serious relationship but just keeps ghosting you. On-chain data, however, throws some serious shade, suggesting this little bounce is fueled more by short-term speculators than by any real demand for a long-term commitment. Historical patterns indicate that these kinds of rebounds are about as reliable as my New Year’s resolutions.
His pockets, lighter by $3 billion in unrealized crypto losses, seemed to him but a trifle, a paper cut in the grand ballet of existence. “Do you think I’m doing this for money?” he mused, his voice dripping with sarcasm sweeter than honey. “You’re pretty mistaken if you do.” Ah, the rich man’s jest-to lose a fortune and laugh at the folly of it all.
This news comes as Bitcoin’s price is doing the financial equivalent of the wobbly-legged dance, teetering towards the $64,000 mark. After announcing his move on the Twitter-whatsit (or X, as the young’uns call it these days), Kiyosaki got a right earful from his followers. Seems some folks don’t take kindly to being left holding the bag while the rich bloke skips off with his profits.
Crypto analyst Nathan Sloan of Investing Made Simple laid out the key levels and whispered that the four-year cycle has a knack for repeating itself, like a stubborn spell that forgot it’s not supposed to work anymore.
Secure Digital Markets (SDM), a name that now echoes through the halls of financial innovation, has executed a $1 million transaction on the Lightning Network. This feat, accomplished with the finesse of a digital Robin Hood, settled near-instantly with fees so minuscule they might as well have been paid in crumbs. The recipient? Kraken, a behemoth of the crypto seas, which on January 28, 2026, found itself on the receiving end of this electrifying transfer. Powered by Voltage’s enterprise-grade infrastructure, this transaction stands as the first publicly-reported seven-figure payment on the Lightning Network, a testament to its burgeoning institutional prowess.
The nuptials were confirmed on February 5, 2026, though the financial dowry remains a closely guarded secret. Vyper’s team and technology will now join Pump.fun’s broader product suite, a strategic expansion that smacks of a grand estate absorbing a neighboring cottage.
Are today’s L2s still aligned with Ethereum’s original scaling goals? That debate isn’t exactly a festival of fireworks.
