You Won’t Believe What Massachusetts Just Did to Robinhood Over Sports Betting!

Robinhood

According to Reuters (because, you know, journalism), Massachusetts’ securities regulator has decided to investigate Robinhood’s latest ~marketing masterpiece~ sports betting operation. Secretary Bill Galvin, who apparently has nothing better to do than keep an eye on Robinhood’s shenanigans, has officially subpoenaed the company for its marketing materials. He also wants to know exactly how many thrill-seeking, college basketball-obsessed, Robinhood-loving Massachusetts residents have been gambling away their retirement funds—oops, I mean “trading” on those event contracts.

dYdX’s Bold Move: 25% of Fees to Buyback, Will It Really Work? 🤔

On the illustrious date of March 24, the exchange unveiled this grand plan, marking the first time it has embarked on such a strategic venture. A spokesperson, with all the gravity and dignity befitting the occasion, explained that the true purpose is to ward off the specter of external control over the token supply. These repurchased tokens, like ancient treasures, will be held for the ages.

🚀 PARTI: The Token That Shall Awaken (Maybe)

And, in a shocking turn of events, OKX also decided to list PARTI, because who doesn’t love a good bandwagon? 🚂 The launch price, much like the meaning of life, remains a mystery, but fear not, for Particle Network’s social media community is strong, like a chorus of digital cheerleaders! 📱

Trump Media To Launch Crypto ETFs In Partnership With CryptoCom

Apparently, they’re partnering up with CryptoCom, because who doesn’t love a good buddy system, right? And what’s a partnership without a fancy announcement? They’re calling it Truth.Fi, because, you know, truth is what it’s all about… unless you’re talking about Trump’s hair, then it’s all about the ‘do! 😂

Bitcoin’s Daring Dance: To Plunge or Soar?

Bitcoin Chart

Mr. Coutts, in a missive dispatched via the modern contrivance known as X, has unveiled his preliminary venture with the DRS model. He reflects upon the recent “Cat5 euphoria” of Q12024, a spectacle which, to the surprise of many, was succeeded by a mere30% retreat. This he contrasts with a similar episode in2019, where the decline was a more robust50%, or70% if one includes the unfortunate COVID shock. “I am still quite taken aback,” he muses, “that the pullback was so modest. The only comparable event outside a cycle top was in2019, with a drop of50% (or70%, should one account for the COVID shock).”