On March 27, Sonic made quite the social media splash on X, announcing that it had barreled past the majestic $1 billion TVL milestone. Emerging from the Fantom Opera Network—because where else would it emerge from?—Sonic is positioning itself as a high-performance L1 blockchain, strutting around like it owns the place.
Why, you ask? To prop up France’s crypto startups, of course! According to Reuters, this is all part of a grand plan to make France the crypto capital of the world. Or at least the crypto capital of Europe. Okay, maybe just Paris. 🗼
Investors, gripped by something resembling stage fright, are planting themselves firmly on the sidelines. Meanwhile, the market momentum resembles a snail attempting the 100m dash. 🐌💨
Berachain (BERA) hit $8.60 on Thursday, which is a 60% jump from its March low. That’s like going from ‘meh’ to ‘wow’ in the blink of an eye! 💃
Bitcoin’s price is playing a game of limbo, hovering just above the $87,000 mark while the crypto world collectively squints at Thursday’s confirmation hearing for the incoming SEC Chairman, Paul Atkins. Meanwhile, Circle’s USDC stablecoin has decided to throw a party, topping $60 billion in market capitalization for the first time. Who knew stablecoins could be so… stable?
As the Wall Street curtain rose, the spectacle of BTC price volatility was on full, erratic display. The BTC/USD pair pranced about with all the predictability of a tipsy ballerina, while the revised GDP figures sauntered in with a smugness that only an above-forecast result could muster.
The birth of Echos in November 2024 was heralded with the fanfare akin to a revolutionary manifesto, yet it now stands as a mere echo of its promise—a grand illusion dissipated like mist before the morning sun. “Low adoption” they cry, as if to say, “We hardly had time to even fail spectacularly!” Manuscripts of sadness litter the digital landscape, reflective of a broader malaise in the crypto AI agent topography. 📉
Stuart Alderoty, Ripple’s chief legal officer of unimpeachable character, took to the social media platform X (because, in this modern era, where else would one share such tidings?) to announce the impending termination of the appeal against the SEC, thereby bringing a semblance of closure to this interminable saga. 📱
Now, enter stage left, Senator Elizabeth Warren, who has taken it upon herself to pen an open letter, expressing her utmost concern that Mr. Atkins’ crypto entanglements might just create a conflict of interest. One can only imagine her sipping tea while drafting that missive, shaking her head at the audacity of it all. And as if that weren’t enough, the SEC has begun making D.O.G.E. cuts, much to the chagrin of Commissioner Peirce, who seems to be the lone voice of reason in this crypto circus. 🐶
Imagine, if you will, the steppes of Kazakhstan, vast and untamed, mirroring the untamed world of cryptocurrency. Deputy Azat Peruashev, a man whose name sounds like a character from a Gogol novel, proposes a crypto bank – a bold move, wouldn’t you say? He envisions the National Bank joining forces with other financial institutions in this audacious endeavor. This, my friends, is all thanks to President Kassym-Jomart Tokayev’s orders for cryptocurrency law reform. The irony, of course, is palpable. 😂