Cryptonews

One might be tempted to rejoice at this apparent triumph of security, but alas, such jubilation would be as misplaced as a peasant at a royal ball. For the decline, it seems, is not a testament to the fortitude of our digital fortresses, but rather a shift in the tactics of the marauders. They have forsaken their complex exploits, those intricate dances of code and logic, in favor of the simpler, more base art of manipulation.

$9.17 – right where the 0.618 Fibonacci, VWAP, and value area high all decide to throw a party.

In a post on X today (because who needs clarity when you have 280 characters?), Vitalik shared his thoughts after attending Real World Crypto, a conference where the focus wasn’t on cryptocurrency but, believe it or not, cryptography. The attendees, apparently unburdened by the weight of crypto-related delusions, spoke about privacy, open-source software, and censorship resistance-ideals you might think belonged in an entirely different universe than Ethereum.

Arthur Hayes, the sagacious co-founder of BitMEX, shared this revelation on X, March 12th, as if he’d conjured it from a pocket watch and a cigar.

Last autumn, with the kind of fanfare reserved for circus arrivals, the twins unveiled Gemini’s Initial Public Offering (IPO). Flush with optimism, they doubled down on their bullish whims, funding extravagant global expansions. Sydney, that jewel of the Southern Hemisphere, bore witness to their lavish launch parties, where champagne flowed like a river of misplaced confidence.

it zips through gameplay, predictions, rewards, and settlements, making everything sparkle along the Playnance network.

As of March 12, XRP trades at a modest $1.3825, a figure so unassuming it could pass for a library fine. This is a 63% drop from last year’s peak-a decline that would make even the most stoic investor reach for the sherry.

Ethereum, the second-largest cryptocurrency (if “largest” is a generous word for something still 60% smaller than its all-time high), is currently trading at $2,056. That’s the price of a fancy dinner in a place where the waiter asks for your life savings as a tip.

Bitmine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), an ether treasury asset company with a 7% stake in Eightco, ponied up $75 million. Their chairman, Tom Lee, will join the board, presumably to ensure the gravy train keeps rolling. ARK Invest and Kraken’s parent, Payward, each chipped in $25 million, because why not throw more fuel on the fire?

In the Southern District of New York, where the air is thick with legal paperwork and the occasional whiff of desperation, federal prosecutors filed a detailed memorandum on March 11. This masterpiece of legal prose opposes the imprisoned ex-FTX CEO’s plea for a retrial under the ever-so-exciting Federal Rule of Criminal Procedure 33. The filing, with all the subtlety of a dwarf with a grudge, asks the court to deny the motion outright. Why? Because, as they so eloquently put it, the evidence Bankman-Fried is waving around was as known as the Ankh-Morpork Watch’s incompetence before his 2023 trial-and wouldn’t have changed the verdict if it had been served on a silver platter.