Crypto news

In an energetic proclamation over intranet waves, CZ declared his intentions with a fervor that would put the most ardent revolutionary to shame. “I am here to enlighten the governing bodies!” he tweeted on the third day of April, a month often marked by the foolishness of man. His task, he avowed, was not solely limited to the trading of digital phantoms but extended to the intricate weaving of blockchain solutions, crowned with the rather grandiose title of “extremely meaningful.” 🎩

Real Vision’s chief crypto maestro, Jamie Coutts, shared his musings in a livestream with co-founder Raoul Pal, hinting at a possible last hurrah for altcoins. “Will this rally endure six to twelve months? Ah, the eternal question!” he pondered, with the air of a philosopher contemplating life’s mysteries. 🤔✨

On the most suspicious day, April1st, Binance dropped a bombshell: a brand-new boot camp for crypto youngsters and brainy students. Dubbed Binance Seeds, it’s like Hogwarts but for blockchain buffs. Split into two magical paths: the Pioneer Talent Program (PTP) for the rookies and the Binance Accelerator Program (BAP) for the book-smart crowd.

Ethereum price couldn’t stay above $1,800, and extended losses, like Bitcoin. Like a meshuggener with no direction. It went as low as $1,751 and then said “Okay, I’ll correct some gains” There was a move above $1,780 and $1,800. Such chutzpah!

Alas, dear reader, the digital world is on the cusp of a most unpleasant transformation. The rapid advancement of quantum computing, that most wondrous and terrifying of technologies, threatens to upend our very understanding of security.

You see, the former Binance CEO inked a deal with Kyrgyzstan’s foreign investment agency, promising to share his secrets of the crypto realm. 📜💰

At a moment when Bitcoin shuffles along with a modest 24% growth since the last election—a rise hardly worthy of a half-hearted yawn—Morehead, that audacious soothsayer of finance, claims the market is crawling along at a snail’s pace. In his musings on X, he prods us to ponder why the price tag isn’t higher, given the political circus unfolding around us.

Bitcoin, our dear old friend, has been playing hard to get, hovering between $76,000 and $87,000. It’s like watching paint dry, but with more anxiety. Glassnode’s telltale signs? The Realized Profit/Loss Ratio is whispering “seller exhaustion,” but it’s not quite ready to shout “bullish momentum” from the rooftops.

On a perfectly ordinary Thursday, TVP, a firm that dabbles in the art of early-stage Bitcoin investments, dropped a truth bombshell in the form of a report. It turns out, in the grand tapestry of time spanning just four years, Bitcoin startups have seen a 767% surge in funding. That’s like jumping from a paper plane to a spaceship!

Some crypto guy, Javon Marks, says it’s setting itself up for a 270% surge. 270%! Can you imagine? Suddenly, everyone’s a Dogecoin billionaire. I mean, maybe. He even drew a chart with lines and arrows, the whole nine yards. Makes it all seem so official.