Crypto news

With exchange balances drier than a Molière monologue, any sizable order travels farther than a gossip in Versailles. 🏰💨

Livingston predicted that Strategy could become the world’s most valuable company. His prediction is based on the firm’s Bitcoin-heavy investment strategy. A strategy as audacious as a tuxedo on a beach. 🏖️

So, in the grand tradition of “we don’t have all the data we need” (thanks, government shutdown), the Bureau of Labor Statistics managed to scrape together enough people to release this shiny CPI report. And guess what? It was actually better than expected!

CPI rose just 0.3% month-over-month in September, while the so-called “experts” were all geared up for a 0.4% rise. Oh, and let’s not forget August, which was also a 0.4% increase.

Year-over-year, CPI was up by 3.0%. Now, compare that to the forecasted 3.1% and last month’s 2.9%. We’re not breaking any records here, but at least we’re not doing worse.

As for the core CPI – the whole reason this number exists is to make us forget about how crazy food and energy prices are – it went up just 0.2%. Again, lower than the forecast of 0.3%. It’s like everyone took the day off, but the report still looked okay.

Bitcoin, in its usual unpredictable way, rose after the report. It’s now trading at a cool $111,600. I’m sure some people are genuinely surprised by this.

“The devil’s in the details,” whispered CZ to his 12 million Twitter followers, as Senator Elizabeth Warren accused him of laundering money while he was, in fact, busy laundering… wait, no, he wasn’t. 🤔

These Corporate Digital Assets Treasuries, or DATs as the acronym-mongers call them, have performed a heist worthy of Woland himself, siphoning no less than $800 billion of hard-earned retail dough straight from the altcoin coffers, reports the sagelike crypto seers at 10x Research. One might wonder if retail investors are left with naught but crumbs and a sarcastic chuckle. 😏

Ah, DeFi – where stablecoins are working harder than a caffeine-addicted intern, earning Treasury yields like they’re going out of style. Meanwhile, the little guys in AI, who are desperately trying to squeeze funds for their shiny new GPUs, are left crying into their data sets.

The burning question for all FLOKI fanatics (and those who got in at $0.00007) is whether this evolving meme coin narrative will fuel a glorious return to $0.00015, or if we’ll just watch it plummet further into obscurity. Currently sitting around $0.000073, FLOKI is attempting to shed its meme label and embrace utility through NFTs, gaming, and tokenization. Its recent ETP listing could make all the difference-or it could be another hype bubble ready to burst. Only time will tell. ⏳

Bitcoin ETFs saw a combined $20.33 million in inflows, with BlackRock IBIT leading the pack. Meanwhile, Grayscale GBTC and Ark & 21Shares ARKB were busy playing “Pass the Tissue,” shedding $60.49 million and $55.02 million respectively. Because nothing says “I’m confident” like crying into your portfolio. 🥺

In the shadowed corridors of the digital gold rush, crypto traders stand like prisoners awaiting the verdict. The US CPI report, foretold for October 24, looms over their hopes and fears-an unpredictable specter whispering secrets of inflation or perhaps a mirage just beyond reach. What miraculous influences are currently swirling around the crypto market? Maybe … Read more

The White House defended the decision, claiming it was the result of a “thorough review.” For clarity: this likely involved consulting a teapot, a spreadsheet, and a parrot named “Regulation.” They also claimed Zhao’s prosecution under the previous administration was “excessive,” which is crypto-speak for “we’re all confused, but this feels unfair.”