Picture a grand tea party gone terribly awry: US President Trump, with his unconventional tariff recipes, stirred the pot so fiercely that Beijing couldn’t help but retort with equally explosive measures. Like a dreadful spell cast over Wall Street—the worst since the grim days of the COVID curse—the S&P 500, the Dow, and the Nasdaq all tumbled as if bewitched. It was a spectacle of chaos fit for a topsy-turvy story!
It was in a tranquil hush of the evening, as if the world itself paused to eavesdrop on this curious matter of WazirX: a venture once meandering through mysterious waters, now seemingly poised for a splendid reawakening (one might suspect a fair bit of drama, but who’s counting? 🤨). The creditors—ever so diligent—voted in remarkable … Read more
Kevin, in his latest missive, declared, “Nothing much has changed on Dogecoin since my last post on 3/22. Higher time frame indicators are mostly reset, and we are holding the bull market line in the sand of support.” He then added, with the confidence of a man who has never been wrong, “As long as BTC cooperates and economic data comes in favorable, I say send it higher within the next few weeks.” One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from the Dogecoin faithful, clutching their digital wallets like rosaries.
In a proclamation as grand as a royal edict, the Securities and Futures Commission, on the seventh day of April, hath declared that only those crypto firms with a license to operate virtual asset trading platforms may partake in this staking affair. Yet, they must take all necessary precautions to protect their clients and reveal the potential risks that accompany such ventures. A noble endeavor, indeed! 🏰
Bitcoin (BTC)—The Grand Poobah of Digital Delusions
Traders are wringing their hands, wondering if this sudden Bitcoin price hiccup could turn into a full-blown market catastrophe. The sell-off was as widespread as a rumor in a small village, with Asian markets getting hit harder than a piñata at a birthday party. Tokyo’s Nikkei 225 took a dive of nearly 8% as trading resumed on Monday. Ouch! 😱
During a riveting strategy session that could only be described as “more thrilling than watching paint dry on a blockchain,” Cheds, addressing his 49,800 YouTube subscribers (who are presumably all sitting on the edge of their seats), pointed out that Bitcoin bears have been having a field day ever since BTC decided to take a nosedive below its crucial support level of $90,000. Yes, that’s right, folks—$90,000! A number so high it could make a Martian’s head spin. 🪐
The so-called “Ethereum killer” (a rather dramatic title, don’t you think? 🤔) is now facing the full force of market bearishness. Apparently, Trump’s tariff wars and the looming spectre of another “Black Monday” are to blame. Because, you know, everything is connected. Like a cosmic game of dominoes, only instead of dominoes, it’s global finance and everyone loses. SOL, naturally, followed Bitcoin’s lead. Bitcoin, in its infinite wisdom, also decided to take a nosedive below the $80,000 mark. Oh, the humanity! 🤦♂️
Picture this: It’s midnight UTC, and while most of us were doom-scrolling through social media or questioning our life choices, some clever hackers were playing “Grand Theft Crypto” with Filament’s order book. They made off with $572,000 – which, in crypto terms, is like stealing someone’s lunch money, but still enough to make you cry into your ramen. 🍜
In what could only be described as the financial equivalent of putting an orangutan in charge of the Ankh-Morpork Bank, Vaulta (yes, they really thought adding an ‘a’ would make it fancy) has embarked on a partnership that would make the Patrician raise an eyebrow – and that’s saying something! 🦧