Crypto news

The sage Crypto Sensei, with a wave of his metaphorical hand, declares the market awaits the arrival of spot XRP ETFs like a society matron at a ball. Approval, he muses, could stir the slumbering masses into a buying frenzy. Yet, XRP’s liquidity is as scarce as a sincere smile at a Moscow salon. A mere whisper of inflows or outflows can send its market cap spiraling like a leaf in an autumn breeze. Retail investors clutch a modest $2 billion, while Ripple, ever the hoarder, sits on $35 billion in escrow and another $5 to $7 billion for on-demand liquidity. Institutions, those cold-hearted custodians of wealth, hold the reins.

And the poor souls caught in the crossfire? Liquidated. Annihilated. $19 billion worth of positions reduced to digital dust! A veritable financial massacre! One almost feels… pity. Almost. (But really, who invests such sums in something as inherently unstable as… well, *this*?) The bounce, predictably, was brief. A desperate gasp before the inevitable return to a dismal, unsettling calm around $112,000. The market cap, diminished, humbled, now sits trembling below $2.230 trillion. A pitiful sight, honestly.

In a very cryptic Saturday post on X (formerly Twitter, where else would the drama unfold?), Eye spotted something quite peculiar. The whale’s main wallet, “ereignis.eth,” which sounds suspiciously like a secret agent name (it means “event” in German, for the cultured among us), is mysteriously linked to another ENS name, “garrettjin.eth.” Hmm, coincidence? Probably not. And if that wasn’t enough, this all leads to Jin’s very own verified X (Twitter) account @GarrettBullish. You’ve got to love the confidence there!

Ah, the whimsical whims of the market gods – a sudden shock flipped sentiment like an elephant on a unicycle, vaporizing hapless AVAX longs, while the big-brained smart money chuckled, already hoarding at $25, plotting their galactic breakout. 🚀😏

A delegation from Ripple – one Mr. Stuart Alderoty, Chief Legal Officer (a title which sounds suspiciously like an apology in advance) and Ms. Cassie Craddock, Managing Director for Europe – descended upon Luxembourg’s Finance Ministry. The purpose? To demonstrate their ‘progress’ towards acquiring a license to operate in that undeniably glamorous principality. One pictures a great deal of powerpoint presentations and promises of ‘innovation’.

One might inquire, dear reader, if there is any hope for this beleaguered ticker. Well, a flicker-perhaps a candle in a storm. According to PiScan, the forthcoming month’s token releases have slowed to the pace of a tortoise instructed by Lilliputian bureaucrats, which could, nay, must, alleviate selling pressure. But ChatGPT, that sphinx of sentiment, remains as optimistic as a rain-soaked optimist in a teapot. “Bearish,” it declared, “mostly bearish. The crowd’s ardor has withered like a soufflé in a drought.”

Yet, industrious analysts propose this tale of downfall extends far beyond mere tariffs, diving deeper than the common man’s reach. “Ah, the age-old aria of ‘but why?’, intoned by the eternal retailer, wearily attributing a seismic crypto slump to a singular incident,” quips Santiment in their enlightening Saturday missive.

If buying miraculously pushes the RSI above 31 (that magical number where traders pretend to understand charts), Pepe might theoretically reclaim $0.000009. Or it might not. Who knows? Certainly not the guy who spent $4.97 million on 600.88 billion tokens – he’s currently rocking back and forth in a corner.

Enter Robert Kiyosaki-the financial world’s most flamboyant alarmist and author of Rich Dad Poor Dad, a book so widely translated (over 50 languages!) that one suspects it’s propping up failing economies all by itself. 📚🌍 With the poise of a man who’s never quite overestimated his own advice, he has once again taken to social media to tell the masses what to invest in-because nothing says “financial wisdom” like a tweet with a rocket emoji. 🚀

This was marked by major product updates, compliance milestones, and community-driven developments.