The U.S. Senate Banking Committee confirms it’s coordinating with SEC Chair Paul Atkins to draft a crypto market structure bill-because apparently the best way to tame digital assets is to lock yourself in a room with a whiteboard and a lot of caffeine.
Indeed, shares of Coinbase (COIN) experienced a most curious uptick of 12% on Friday, all while the crypto exchange was busy crafting a narrative of missing earnings expectations that would make even the most seasoned playwright weep. Analysts responded with a cocktail of cautious pessimism and optimistic bravado about the company’s evolution-a delightful mix of emotions truly befitting a soap opera.
Ah, the joys of numbers! In a mere 15 hours, the hacker has sent the modest sum of 2,005 Ethereum, an amount that could buy a small island-or perhaps just a considerable number of pizzas-valued at a staggering $3,850,000, to the aforementioned Tornado Cash. But wait, there’s more! Three new wallets have also been graced with the dubious honor of receiving an additional 2,087 ETH.
The daily chart reads like a long, steady descent rather than a heroic ascent, with a clear pattern of lower highs and lower lows since the $97,900 peak, followed by a capitulation-style plunge toward roughly $59,900 on heavy volume. Price is now cozied up in the $66,000 to $67,000 zone, a little relief bounce perched atop a still-fragile framework. Key support lurks at $59,900 to $60,000, with intermediate support at $64,000 to $65,000. Resistance sits between $70,000 and $72,000, while a daily close above $75,000 would be the sort of dramatic pivot that market technicians start polishing their spectacles for. Until then, the bias remains neutral-to-bearish unless $72,000 is convincingly reclaimed.
TL;DR (because who has time for nuance?):
This grand expiry carries the gravitas of 9% of total open interest, a key spectacle for those who chase short-term price action like a cat chases a sunbeam and occasionally trips over its own tail.
Now, at first glance, you might think this price action is pulling a “lookalike” stunt from earlier this year when POL skyrocketed 90%. It’s stabilizing, momentum’s on the up-and-up, and buyers are playing peek-a-boo at support. But wait! There’s a twist in the plot that would make M. Night Shyamalan proud! Last time, sellers were running for the hills, but this time? Not so much.
The transaction, flagged by Arkham, occurred some 16 hours before the alert, with 100 BTC waltzing from the wallets of the Royal Government of Bhutan to an external address. How exotic!
HONG KONG – So, crypto’s the new big thing for machines now? AI agents booking hotels and flights with crypto? Next thing you know, my Roomba’s gonna start demanding a raise. And Bitcoin’s just… falling. Like, it’s got a date with the ground and it’s not gonna be pretty. $50k? That’s the line in the sand? Somebody call a lifeguard.
Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse has hailed the move as assembling the “Olympics crypto roster.”
