Speculation is running wild that Kevin Hassett, the adviser with about as much charisma as a slightly eccentric uncle, may be the next Fed Chair. This has markets whispering sweet dovish nothings, as if they’re hopeful for a gentle nudge rather than a slap in the face from economic policy.
So, Gary Gensler sat down with Bloomberg TV (probably in a very serious chair) and basically said, “Bitcoin? Sure. The rest? Eh, it’s like buying a lottery ticket but the numbers are made up and the points don’t matter.” 🤡
The answer lies in the very same factor that once made Zcash a star. 🌟
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SUI and LINK, two teenagers with too much glitter in their veins, skyrocket 31% and 24%. Meanwhile, ZEC, the town drunk, stumbles further into a 38% freefall, muttering about September’s glory days. Funding rates, like a grumpy uncle, remain broadly positive-until CME futures, now dressed in rags, vanish to offshore parties. Traders, it seems, have traded sophistication for wild abandon.
But now, with a stroke of legal brilliance, this new law wipes away all that uncertainty, making it official. The country’s ever-growing digital economy can now breathe a sigh of relief, as they are no longer left in the murky waters of “what are we actually allowed to do with these things?”
Apparently, these poor souls, who’ve been holding BTC for one to three months, are staring down losses of 20% to 25%. For two weeks. That’s like being stuck in a never-ending Zoom meeting, but instead of your boss droning on, it’s your bank account screaming, “WHY?!” CryptoQuant analyst Darkfost (a name that sounds like a villain from a B-grade sci-fi movie) says this is the “highest pain point” of the current cycle. Thanks, Darkfost. Really needed that visual. 🌪️💸
On December 2, 2025, Kalshi, the U.S.’s very own regulated crystal ball, announced a cheeky new partnership with CNN. This magnificent alliance means CNN’s reporters will now have real-time predictive data at their fingertips-talk about bringing a crystal ball to the newsroom! Suddenly, predicting political upheavals, cultural chaos, and election drama will be as easy as swiping through Twitter.
As always happens in the first week of a new month, Ripple, the San Francisco-based crypto solutions company known primarily for its association with XRP, released a large portion of the coins from its escrow accounts – 1,000,000,000 XRP to be exact, according to Whale Alert.