Crypto news

As of right now, it’s perched at $0.003291 – a 16.32% jump for the day. Trading volume is up 40%, which I suppose means someone, somewhere, is still enthused by this whole business. 🤷

On Wednesday, the stock did its jig, “I’m back, baby!” jumped 7.6% to a peacock-proud $44.25 before graciously settling to $43.96. What a performance! It’s especially thrilling since the day before had it flopping over 15% after its capital raising announcement. Like a prom queen after tripping over her gown, then gliding across the floor the next day.

According to the latest Glassnode and Fasanara report, average daily wipeouts have skyrocketed from a rather pedestrian $28 million in longs and $15 million in shorts to a positively theatrical $68 million in longs and $45 million in shorts. Single sell-offs have become as violent as a diva’s tantrum at a Broadway flop. 🎭💥

On the 4-hour chart, a sage named Kamile Uray observes Bitcoin’s ascent, as if watching a penguin navigate a glacier. A close above $93,160, she posits, would confirm the Cup & Handle’s breakout, which, if successful, would aim for the fabled $104,000. One can only hope the market is not merely playing a trick on us, as it has been known to do in the past.

The melding of the supposedly dominant trading protocols on Base and Optimism was met with enthusiasm by the few who bother to watch such things, resembling less the union of fine champagne and vintage claret and more the convergence of two overripe bananas in a fruit bowl.

Binance, the world’s largest crypto exchange by trading volume, announced that Yi He, the company’s co-founder, has been appointed co-CEO. Her new role places her alongside Richard Teng, who assumed the CEO position last year and now moves into a shared leadership structure designed to guide Binance through its next phase of expansion and compliance. 📈

Now, Ted (@TedPillows)-who’s been trading for more years than he cares to admit-says Bitcoin has recently had a little tête-à-tête with the $93,000-$94,000 resistance zone. Ted’s expert analysis (after a decade of crypto adventures) tells us, “If Bitcoin punches through $93K-$94K, it could shoot straight to $100K. But, if it gets the boot, we’re looking at a drop back to $88,000-$89,000.” Let’s see who wins this showdown! 👀💥

In a move that makes Wall Street look like a bunch of cautious old men at a bingo game, the SEC sent warning letters-think of them as the financial version of a grandma telling you to wear clean underwear-to power-hungry issuers like Direxion, ProShares, and Tidal Financial, warning them that their 3x-5x daily gambles are just a tad over the legal speed limit. 🏎️💨

What’s behind this sudden burst of energy? Oh, just a few minor things, like Coinbase giving SUI the nod to waltz into the heavily regulated ballroom of New York’s crypto scene. 🎩✨ Yes, New York-the place where regulations are as thick as a brick and twice as unforgiving. But SUI? It’s got its dancing shoes on and is ready to tango.

Filecoin climbed 2% to $1.57 over the last 24 hours, posting modest gains that tracked broader cryptocurrency market movements. Because nothing says “excitement” like following the crowd. 🐇