Cryptonews

Arkham Intelligence, that modern oracle of blockchain whispers, reveals our protagonist: thomasg.eth, an OG Ethereum savant whose crypto escapades once funded a portfolio worth $538 million. A mere pittance now, you might scoff-but ah, dear reader, this whale has returned to the feeding grounds. A $3 million purchase on March 20 capped a week of spree-buying, acquiring ETH, WETH, and Aave-deposited ETH like a nobleman stocking his autumn larder.

Gold is approaching a technical bear market, down nearly 20% from its January all time high. Traditionally viewed as a store of value and hedge against geopolitical uncertainty, gold’s recent performance challenges that narrative. Despite escalating tensions in the Middle East, prices have fallen around 10%, since the war started at the end of February. (Because nothing says “I’m a reliable investment” like ignoring actual crises.)

Sure, price action is the flashy star of the show, but these underlying metrics? They’re the wise old narrator whispering, “This isn’t just a dip-it’s a belly flop into an empty pool!” From a whopping 799,000 transactions to a sudden nosedive, it’s less of a cooldown and more of a “Where’d everybody go?” moment. Retail users? Automated systems? They’ve all apparently booked a one-way ticket to Who-Knows-Where-Ville.

In the last month, Bitcoin has made a modest pirouette, gaining 4.89% and flirting with $75,000. While such a rebound might suggest a stabilizing mood, the latest whispers about the BTC-S&P 500 correlation deliver a chorus of bearish notes, like a witty aunt at supper reminding you of your responsibilities to ruin.

If you’ve ever wondered why crypto is like a pet you adopted on a whim only to realize it’s allergic to everything and costs $500 a day to feed, U.S. Senator Richard Durbin (D-IL) has your back. On March 19, he introduced the “No Bailout for Crypto Act,” a bill so refreshingly straightforward it could’ve been written by a toddler with a thesaurus. The measure seeks to prevent taxpayers from funding the latest crypto crash, which, honestly, sounds like a public service rather than a policy move.

Shiba Inu (SHIB) approaches a formidable threshold on its blockchain, and the inflow of tokens to exchanges grows in a manner that resembles a hasty flight of birds before a storm.

Candace Owens, that tireless siren of the conservative set, took to X (formerly Twitter, darling) demanding to know Netanyahu’s whereabouts. Iran’s Tasnim News Agency, run by the Guard, published a screed titled “New Video of Netanyahu Proves Fake,” dissecting a coffee shop clip with the zeal of a schoolmaster marking a particularly poor essay. Every refutation, of course, was met with fresh conspiracy fodder. It was all rather exhausting.

CryptoQuant, that modern-day oracle of blockchain, proclaims the cause: a mass exodus of capital to Bitcoin, spurred by macroeconomic chaos and the eternal human tendency to flee from anything that might not make them rich overnight.

Ripple, with a clarity born of necessity, declares: “We have no official Telegram channel.” Yet, the charlatans persist, their accounts as numerous as the stars in a sky devoid of meaning. The XRP community, ever the target of such deceit, is reminded: the Ripple team will not descend from the heavens to offer support through these unofficial channels, nor will they demand your sacred credentials or the fruits of your labor.

A Ripple survey of over 1,000 financial executives worldwide says 72% believe their company must offer digital asset solutions to stay competitive. Yes, because nothing says competitive like adding another box to check on a spreadsheet. The poll covered banks, asset managers, fintechs, and corporate firms across global markets. And what stood out wasn’t just appetite for assets-it was how everyone plans to get there. Plans, plans, plans. If only plans paid the bills, right?