Crypto news

Apparently, Ripple intends to finance this ambitious scheme through a sort of financial illusion-SPAC, or a shell company, as the cynics might call it. It’s a method as old as the hills, only now dressed in shiny new digital attire, perfectly suited to the age of crypto. Meanwhile, the entire market is suffering from last week’s spectacular sell-off-a kind of financial tantrum that left billions in tears and investors hoarding their XRP like day-old bread.

Tom Lee, that self-proclaimed oracle of Wall Street snake oil, claims Ethereum could take the crown just as equities snatched gold from the miners’ sweaty palms after the great Nixon “shock”-that elegant way of saying “we’re printing money now, good luck!”

00 a.m. UTC, and full spot trading will start at 6:00 a.m. UTC. Initial controls include a modest $10,000 order cap to keep the wild volatility in check. Because who needs chaos first thing in the morning? 🕔

And you thought the worst was behind us, didn’t you? Oh, how naïve!

On Thursday, Anchorage Digital casually announced they can now help their institutional clients hold, send and receive both crypto and actual U.S. dollars. Seamlessly. Apparently, the whole traditional vs. digital finance thing was just… inconvenient. Like having separate drawers for socks and underwear – just makes life harder, doesn’t it? 🤷‍♀️

The price is fighting a cruel game of tug-of-war with $4,250 and $4,472, those pesky Fibonacci retracement levels that seem to always get in the way. Meanwhile, the $4,755 mark stands like the locked gate to a bullish market, waiting for someone to bring the key and set us free. If only it were that easy, right? 🙄

And what does that mean for our little friend, Bitcoin? Well, gold is now a mighty 14.5 times larger than Bitcoin’s market cap, which, let’s face it, is still a modest $2.1 trillion. 🍌💰

It is reported, with a degree of astonishment that perhaps suggests we should all be spending more time reading history books, that gold has ascended nearly 60% this year. Bitcoin, meanwhile, manages a mere 13%. A respectable increase, undoubtedly, for a digital phantom, but hardly a triumph when compared to the steady gleam of the precious metal. Analysts, those keen observers of the human condition, proclaim gold not to be overpriced. One wonders, are they implying *bitcoin* is?

So, the gilded calf of the digital age, Bitcoin, hangs by a thread, you say? Precious. It’s wobbling, trembling, like a worker dodging a foreman’s boot in the critical support zone. A ‘critical’ zone, they call it. As if it’s full of delicate flowers instead of the hopes and dreams (and often, borrowed money) of countless souls.

Enter Luke Broyles, a man who has seen more market cycles than a tea kettle on a boil. He claims BTC has been screaming “buy” each time it hit the 200 WMA. But let’s be honest-if the market were a pub, it would be the barman shouting “buy!” while the customers are still trying to find their wallets. 🧙‍♂️🌀