Crypto news

Founded in a bygone era when horses were still relevant and telephones were a novelty, Bealls has now embraced Flexa’s “network” of 99+ cryptocurrencies and 300+ wallets. A triumph, one might say, for retailers who wish to appear modern without actually understanding what “modern” entails. Shoppers at Bealls, Bealls Florida, and Home Centric may now checkout with the swiftness of a man fleeing a bad investment, all while avoiding fees that would make a usurer blush. 🚀

Behold, the spot Bitcoin ETFs! A marvel of modern finance, where the crypto-elite can now stuff their coins into TradFi’s pockets without selling a single satoshi. It’s like a tax-free séance: no cash changes hands, no taxable ghosts haunt the ledger, and the IRS sleeps soundly in its bureaucratic slumber.

Hong Kong Exchanges & Clearing Ltd. is basically the cool kid who won’t let you sit at their table, rejecting at least five companies trying to go full DAT. Their excuse? Rules against “cash companies” that hold primarily liquid assets. 🙄 Because apparently, holding crypto is the same as hoarding Monopoly money. According to Bloomberg (and their anonymous BFFs), this is a thing now.

So XRP came back from its little “authentic recovery” jaunt only to get slapped with bearish momentum. It’s like when you’re trying to trim your bangs, but you end up with a Mohawk. A slip of about 1.7% in price happened and guess what? Those pesky sellers are back, leading the show from the front rows.

The sagacious minds at TradingView have noted that the KDA/USD pair hath descended below its October 11 lows and those of 2021, as if the market itself hath conspired to mock the token’s former glory. One might almost pity the hapless traders, fleeing their positions as though escaping a ballroom fire. 🔥

Maple, that paragon of onchain asset management, and Aave, the undisputed king of decentralized lending (as per DefiLlama’s tally of TVL), have declared war on the mundane by inviting institutional assets to the DeFi ball. A bold invitation, if ever there was one.

The move makes Canada’s third-largest province a non-viable location for new grid-connected mining facilities. It’s like telling a pirate they can’t use the sea anymore-except the sea is now a bunch of electrons and the pirate is a guy in a basement with a fridge full of GPUs. 🐳💻

And where’s all this ETH going, you ask? Well, Arkham Intelligence (bless their data-crunching hearts) says the wallet has been cozying up to Kraken Exchange and SharpLink Gaming. 🦑🎮 Because, you know, why not mix a bit of gaming with your financial shenanigans?

Adjusted earnings, a mere trifle, soared to $629 million, buoyed by the mystical forces of digital asset operations and investment gains. 🧙♂️💼 Galaxy, ever the prudent hoarder, closed the quarter with $3.2 billion in equity, including $1.9 billion in cash and stablecoins-a fortress of liquidity in a sea of volatility. Oh, the irony of stability in the land of chaos!

According to the ever-vigilant Eleanor Terrett, this new category of limited-access accounts would allow fintech firms, stablecoin issuers, and crypto custodians to sidle up to the Fed’s payment rails like uninvited guests at a gala. No more loitering in the shadows of intermediary banks! 🕶️