In came the audacious modesty of ‘Crypto Copilot’, a tool masquerading as the guardian of the Solana exchanges. By the genius of hidden logic weaving through swaps, a small portion of your hard-earned Sol slips quietly away, entranced by a concealed transfer command, as denoted by the sharp eyes of Socket’s intrepid Threat Research Team.
While some traders are nervously checking crypto’s pulse, Charles Hoskinson-Cardano’s resident oracle-sees things differently. To him, this isn’t a market collapse; it’s a market doing yoga, stretching before the big leap. 🧘♂️
This expiry event is the talk of the town, as it’s end-of-month drama mixed with a hefty dose of market madness. Could it possibly shake things up for the spot markets, which, let’s face it, have been having a rather rough time trying to recover from this month’s little “meltdown”? 🥴
They propose, you see, a ‘no gain, no loss’ arrangement. A remarkably sensible notion, if one stops to consider it. Why tax a thing merely because it moved? It’s like taxing a gentleman for rearranging his library! Though, of course, HMRC is rarely bothered with such niceties. Lending out a token and receiving the same back? No tax. Borrowing? No tax. Entering a liquidity pool… still sounds rather dangerous, frankly… but for now, no tax. Until, naturally, you attempt to convert these digital phantoms into actual, spendable pounds.
Oh boy, it looks like Tom Lee\’s BitMine is swimming in Ethereum like Scrooge McDuck in his money bin 🤑! BitMine Immersion Technologies, backed by Fundstrat, just added a whopping 14,618 ETH to its wallet, valued at a cool $44.34 million 💸. Because, you know, $44 million is just a drop in the bucket when you\’re trying to hold 5% of Ethereum\’s total supply 🤯.
The “Truth Unveiled, Justice Revealed” briefing (the title alone is giving me secondhand embarrassment) was basically Sun’s attempt to look less like the guy responsible for a $456 million hole and more like a… well, a rescuer. A very dramatic rescuer.
Bitcoin, that rather volatile chap, was slowly chugging its way towards the ninety-two thousand dollar mark on Thanksgiving Day – and few, I say few, understood precisely why. The day before, whilst the citizenry was busy carving fowl, Nasdaq International Securities Exchange (ISE) petitioned the SEC to quadruple its permitted position limit for Blackrock Bitcoin ETF contracts from a modest 250,000 to a rather more substantial 1,000,000. Rather a leap, what?
And just like that, BONK has its first regulated ETP in Europe. This is a big moment for the meme coin community, as it means that both institutional and retail investors can now buy into this madness via a traditional financial structure. Because, you know, people in suits have always had a hankering for internet jokes and dog memes.
The Coinbase Premium Index, that tiresome metric comparing Bitcoin’s price on Coinbase with Binance, lingers in negative territory, according to the ever-watchful Darkfost. It reveals, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, that institutional players and US-based investors are selling more aggressively than retail traders. Coinbase, the darling of institutions, versus Binance, the playground of the plebeian retail trader-how delightfully predictable. 🧐
Now, you might wonder what caused this sudden upward jig. Well, apparently, the folks behind Kaspa opened the very first decentralized bridge for it, which is tech-speak for “we’ve just thrown a big shiny launch party and invited everyone.” This event was so exciting that even the Twitterati (or X-ers, if that’s what we’re calling it now) started to dream about a rise to $0.16 – roughly a third of your daily coffee cost, but with a lot more potential to lose everything.