Category: Crypto news

Curiously, as revenues climbed like a socialite after the right marriage, the BNB market cap chose to ruminate in drawing rooms, dropping 14.8% down to $86.2 billion—but still clinging to the non-stablecoin crypto elite, fourth in line to the digital throne. 🏰

In an interview with CNBC—because where else would such revelations be dropped?—Eric Trump, the executive vice president of the Trump Organization (a title as impressive as it sounds), took aim at the old, clunky financial system, which he described as “broken,” “slow,” and “expensive.” You know, the usual litany of insults reserved for an overstuffed bureaucracy. His solution? Blockchain, of course. According to Eric, blockchain does everything “better” than those pesky current systems. Imagine that—efficiency, transparency, and speed without those pesky fees!

Kiyosaki, with the air of a beleaguered prophet denied a podium at Delphi, opines that fear of “UNPLOYMENT”—that peculiar, jobless plague—now sweeps the globe. He calls it a virus, though one suspects he would vaccinate with e-books and brisk webinar courses. 😏

Let’s break it down: who’s panic-selling, who’s buying, and who can’t decide if today’s ETH is tomorrow’s gefilte fish.

Tuesday, a day which shall live in the memory of the easily impressed, brought about a grand jailbreak as major altcoins broke their resistance shackles. Ethereum and Cardano sashayed forward with gains of 2%, sneering politely at Bitcoin’s rather pathetic 0.6% shuffle. Altcoin season, it seems, is upon us—or at least until someone sneezes and everything tumbles down again. Market sages are already prepping their “I told you so” faces.

But pray, do not clap yet! For Thorn, with a dignity befitting the last man at a bureaucratic banquet, went further to claim that every ingenious solution proposed for Bitcoin resembles those remedies your aunt prescribes for the flu—each is worse than the malady itself.

Word reached society that PayPal’s stablecoin adventure—forged with the grandly American name “PYUSD”—had drawn the eye of the Securities and Exchange Commission, the most vigilant of watchmen. But lo! The drama was more comedy than tragedy! In the spring of that most turbulent year, PayPal, in its filings, revealed that the mighty SEC, after much rattling of sabers and a November swoop trailing subpoenas, decided to lay down their arms. No action! No drama, only paperwork. The bureaucrat’s ballet quietly concluded—with a shrug, not a bang.

Currently trading at a modest $0.5832, PI finds itself about 80% off its once-dazzling all-time high of $2.99—a fall even Aunt Agatha would gossip about over cucumber sandwiches. But wait, what’s this? Trading volume has swelled by nearly 35% in the last day, surging past $128 million. It seems the crowd’s back to gawp, possibly with the hope of witnessing either a miraculous comeback or a spectacular pratfall. 👀