Category: Crypto news

So, CZ and Kyrgyzstan’s bigwigs signed a fancy piece of paper (MoU, if you’re feeling formal) that’s basically a pinky promise to turn Kyrgyzstan into a digital finance superstar. They’re talking tech upgrades, blockchain bootcamps, and making Kyrgyzstan the place to be for crypto nerds. 🤓

Meanwhile, the financial markets are as stable as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest! 💥 Fears of an economic slowdown are swirling around like a bad smell after a bean feast, all thanks to Trump’s tariff antics that were stronger than grandma’s secret chili recipe! 🌶️

But wait, it gets better! These not-so-nice gentlemen decide to make Rodrigo’s stay a little… cozy. They lock him up in a tiny space, pump him full of sleep aids, and give him the five-star treatment of being beaten up regularly. And while he’s in dreamland, they help themselves to his bank account, swiping a cool $50 million. Or was it R$250 million? Who can keep track when you’re being robbed in your sleep?

Alas, the cryptic cosmos of cryptocurrencies has taken a rather melodramatic turn! Major coins, in a splendid pirouette, have reversed their early gains upon the unfurling of Beijing’s tariff tapestry, a news flash hot on the heels of President Trump’s Wednesday whimsy of imposing additional levies on China and a plethora of other nations. Ah, the intricacies of economic folly! 🎭

Should our dear Cardano (ADA) manage to breach the elusive $0.70 threshold, it might just signal the end of our collective bearish lamentations. A veritable resurrection, if you will!

Behold, the price of Solana (SOL) has elegantly pirouetted upwards by a modest0.42% over the past day. A rise so subtle, it’s almost as if it’s trying not to be noticed at the grand ball of cryptocurrencies.

According to Sosovalue, US spot Bitcoin ETFs had a net outflow of $99.86M on April 3, just after Trump announced tariffs on 50+ countries. This week alone, Bitcoin ETFs have seen $107.81M in net selling. 🤑💸

Now, hold onto your hats, because half of this wild expansion happened in the fourth quarter of last year, resulting in a phenomenal 460% quarterly uptick. Meanwhile, Bitcoin only managed a measly 61% gain on its journey to a nebulous all-time high of $108,364. Why are we even comparing the two? It’s like pitting a sleek Porsche against a slightly rusted shopping cart.

Behold, the Shibarium network has unveiled not one, but two updates to boost its activity. First, they’re introducing a Layer 3 network, which is apparently privacy-focused. Because nothing says “adoption” like a little mystery, right? 🕵️‍♂️ This new layer promises to unlock Web3 access for businesses, allowing them to run encrypted smart contracts while maintaining compliance. Because who doesn’t love a compliant blockchain? 🙃

It was a day of doom and gloom, as the market reacted to the Trump administration’s tariffs like a child to a spoonful of medicine. Markets expected a bitter pill, but the reality was a horse pill of epic proportions. The tariffs were a sledgehammer to the global trade piñata, and boy, did the candy spill everywhere. 🎈🍬