It’s two in the morning, and you’ve been lying awake for an hour, fixated on the ceiling and tossing and turning. You’re starting to worry about how exhausted you’ll be tomorrow. Your first thought is to just keep trying to fall asleep—maybe it will eventually happen. Or, even if you don’t sleep, at least you’re lying down and resting, aren’t you?
Actually, experts recommend doing the opposite of what you might think: if you can’t fall asleep, get out of bed and go do something else. This method, called stimulus control, was first developed by psychologist Richard Bootzin in 1972 and is still a key part of treating insomnia with cognitive behavioral therapy.
Here’s how to do it when you can’t get to sleep, and why it works.
Why lying in bed when you can’t sleep makes it worse
Trouble sleeping often starts when you try too hard to make yourself sleep. According to Shelby Harris, a sleep expert in New York, forcing it actually works against you – the more you struggle, the more awake and frustrated you’ll feel. Good sleepers don’t have a special method; they simply relax and drift off naturally.
Michael Perlis, who leads the sleep medicine program at the University of Pennsylvania, explains that you can’t simply make yourself fall asleep. Sleep is a natural, physical process – it’s not something you can control like a behavior.
Trying too hard to fall asleep actually backfires. Many people think they’re almost asleep, but Perlis explains that if you’re aware of feeling sleepy, you haven’t truly drifted off yet. It just doesn’t make sense to try and notice yourself losing consciousness – those two things can’t happen at the same time.
You know, I often hear people justify staying in bed even when they can’t sleep, thinking ‘well, at least I’m resting.’ But Dr. Perlis completely dismantles that idea. He puts it bluntly: if simply resting was actually restorative, we wouldn’t have evolved to need sleep in the first place! It’s a surprisingly powerful point – our bodies aren’t fooled by just lying still.
How long should you stay in bed before getting up?
It’s common advice to get up after being awake for around 20 minutes, but many doctors are now suggesting it’s okay to be flexible with that rule. As Harris explains, trying to time exactly 20 minutes is difficult without checking the clock – and staring at the clock when you can’t sleep usually just makes things worse.
Don’t focus on how long you’ve been trying to sleep—pay attention to how you feel. If you start feeling frustrated, your mind is racing, or you’re desperately trying to fall asleep, that’s a cue to get up. According to Harris, this usually happens after about 20 minutes. Get out of bed and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy again before returning.
You don’t have to jump out of bed as soon as you wake up. If you’re awake but relaxed, it’s okay to stay lying down for a bit. Take a few minutes to see if you fall back asleep on your own. It’s time to get up when you start to feel anxious or find yourself struggling to go back to sleep.
Why getting out of bed helps you fall asleep faster
Ben Perlis offers straightforward advice for dealing with sleeplessness: “Give up. Get up. Get out.” This means if you can’t fall asleep, stop trying. Then, physically getting out of bed and leaving the room reinforces that decision. The act of sitting up, standing, and walking sends a clear message to your body that it’s time to be awake.
It might seem counterintuitive, but deliberately making yourself slightly more alert could actually help with sleep. Dr. Perlis explains that tossing and turning in bed often leads to “surfing” – a frustrating cycle of drifting between being awake and asleep without ever truly resting. He emphasizes that this ‘surfing’ provides no real benefit.
Fully waking up briefly disrupts your usual sleep cycle, letting your body’s natural sleepiness build up. Think of it like saving up energy for the next night – even if it doesn’t fix tonight’s sleep, it increases your chances of sleeping well tomorrow.
If you’re struggling to fall asleep, getting out of bed can actually help. The longer you lie awake, tossing and turning or worrying, the more your brain starts to link your bed with being awake and frustrated. By getting up, you break that connection and give your brain a chance to associate the bed with sleep again later on.
What to do in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep
Once you get out of bed, avoid anything too strenuous, advises Harris. The idea is to find a relaxing activity to occupy you until you feel tired again, and to prevent your brain from linking your bed with feelings of annoyance. Choose something you genuinely like doing.
Harris enjoys browsing her collection of vintage cookbooks. She’ll go to the kitchen and mark recipes that have been passed down in her family. She also appreciates the beautiful photography often found in cookbooks and uses them for meal inspiration. This relaxing routine helps her unwind without feeling pressured to fall asleep, as she explains, ‘I’m not trying to make myself sleepy.’
I’ve seen so much over the years working with patients, and it’s amazing how creative they can be. One thing I especially love is when people start art projects, or even just knit – we jokingly call the long scarves they make when they can’t sleep ‘insomnia scarves’! It’s a really comforting thing for them.
The main idea is to avoid turning nighttime activities into a form of self-punishment. One expert shared how telling patients to sit in a specific “insomnia chair” actually made them fear it, associating it with being unable to sleep. Instead, it’s better to do something you enjoy and view it as a relaxing way to spend the time – not as evidence that your whole night is ruined.
A few ground rules can help the technique work better:
Don’t give insomnia a job
Working late into the night, like at 3 a.m., can actually train your brain to keep waking you up at that hour. According to Harris, it’s best to avoid doing tasks like work, taxes, or paying bills when you unexpectedly wake up. The more you respond to those middle-of-the-night awakenings by working, the more your body learns to expect them.
Skip screens when you can
It’s easy to get caught up in checking your phone or laptop – constantly looking at texts, emails, and other notifications can make it hard to stop. Plus, the blue light from screens might disrupt your sleep. If you’re struggling to fall asleep and a screen seems like the only thing that will quiet your thoughts, watching a relaxing show or movie can help – but try it only as a last resort, not your go-to solution.
Switch on a lamp
According to Harris, trying to fall back asleep in a dark room isn’t helpful. Instead, turn on a lamp and make sure there’s enough light to comfortably engage in an activity until you feel tired again.
Don’t fall asleep on the couch
If you spend too much time falling asleep elsewhere, you might start preferring that spot to your own bed! So, when you feel tired, get up and go back to your bedroom to sleep instead.
Plan for your excuses now
Don’t leave important decisions—like where to go or what to do—until the last minute. According to Harris, anticipate potential issues beforehand. Instead of scrambling at night, think through possible problems and find solutions during the day.
If your house is generally chilly, keep a robe and slippers by your bed, and think about using an electric blanket in the room you’ll be going to. It also helps to decide what you want to do beforehand – have your book, magazine, recipe, or art materials all set and ready to go.
Feel free to adjust this method to fit your situation. If you’re in a small space or don’t want to wake someone else, try sitting up in bed or moving to a chair nearby. Harris suggests staying seated if your medication makes you drowsy, or if you’re concerned about falling.
When you start feeling sleepy again—maybe even find yourself yawning—go back to bed. Harris suggests just seeing if it helps. If your thoughts begin to race or you get frustrated, simply get out of bed and try again, repeating the process as many times as needed during the night.
If you’ve been trying stimulus control for a couple of weeks, sticking to a regular sleep schedule, and still aren’t sleeping better, Harris suggests consulting a sleep specialist. They can check for problems like sleep apnea and see if more intensive therapy for insomnia could help.
Next time you find yourself awake at 2 a.m., frustrated about not being able to sleep, remember this: the fact that you’re awake isn’t the main issue—it’s how you react to being awake. According to Harris, trying to force yourself to fall asleep will only make things harder. Instead, try changing how you think about it.
2026-07-28 17:07