California Just Saved Your Lost Crypto-Because Obviously 🌌

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Ah, California, the land of sun, surf, and now, bizarrely, the guardian of digital gold. 🌴✨

Governor Gavin Newsom, a man who clearly woke up one day and thought, “Why *not* legislate the afterlife of Bitcoin?” has signed a law ensuring your forgotten crypto doesn’t get turned into state-owned monopoly money. 🚀

A Law So Absurd, It Could Only Exist in California 🏖️

Senate Bill 822, brought to you by Senator Josh Becker (D-Menlo Park), now classifies crypto as “abandoned property,” which is a weird thing to say about something that’s literally just a string of numbers. 🧮

Under this law, dormant crypto accounts (inactive for three years) are now “intangible property.” Because, apparently, the state needed a new category for stuff it can’t touch but still wants to tax eventually. 🏛️

How the Law “Protects” Your Forgotten Crypto 🛡️

The law allows the State Controller to appoint licensed custodians to “securely manage” your unclaimed crypto. Because obviously, the state needs a babysitter for your Bitcoin. 🤦♂️🔐

If you don’t reclaim your crypto within 18-20 months, the state might sell it. But don’t worry-it’ll be “transparent”! (We’re 73% sure that’s legally defined as “trust us, bro.”)

Companies must notify you 6-12 months before seizing your assets. If you reply within 30 days, they’ll stop the process. Otherwise, say goodbye to your digital stash. 🔐

Custodians need a license from the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation. Because nothing says “trust us” like a 14-letter government agency name. 📜

Crypto Nerds Are *Thrilled* 🎉

The bill passed unanimously in September. Which is weird, because California politicians agreeing on anything is like finding a sober person at a Burning Man rave. 🔥

Paul Grewal, Coinbase’s CLO, tweeted: “Thanks, @GavinNewsom, for not turning our crypto into Monopoly money!” 🙌 He also urged California to join the “46 other states” in letting people stake crypto. Because, you know, *more regulation* is what crypto needs. 📈

Thank you @GavinNewsom for signing SB 822, which stops the state from liquidating Californians’ unclaimed crypto investments without their consent. Also thank you @SenJoshBecker, who sponsored the bill. Now it’s time for California to join the 46 other states, along with @secgov,…

– paulgrewal.eth (@iampaulgrewal) October 14, 2025

Modernizing the Unclaimable 🕰️

SB 822 also “modernizes” California’s unclaimed property system, which was previously stuck in 1997. Paperwork? No longer! Now it’s just digital paperwork. 📄➡️💻

By keeping crypto in its original form, the law ensures owners can reclaim it. Or, y’know, the state can just hold onto it forever. Either way, it’s “transparent”! 🤝

California: leading the charge in crypto bureaucracy so you don’t have to. 🚨

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2025-10-14 16:19