Bored JPEGs Fight Back: Billion-Dollar Crypto Tea Spilled! ☕💸

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Darlings, while the once-roaring NFT soirée has slipped from white-hot to merely lukewarm, a staggering seventy-one-point-five-five billion American clams have still been splurged since 2017. Two-thirds of that delightful nonsense happened on Ethereum-because, of course, where else would one fling one’s crypto-coinage if not the grande dame of blockchains? 😉👛

Digital Doodads, Darling: The Circus Continues, Merely Under New Management

Back in 2017, when we were all young, pretty and solvent, NFT sales amounted to a princely $143 grand-barely taxi-fare, really. 2018 limped to $1.5 million, 2019 doubled the ante to three-point-seventy-five, and 2020-ah, lockdown chic-soared to a dizzying $22.25 million. Then 2021 swaggered in like a drunker Gatsby, depositing $15.7 billion on the mahogany table in a single bound. 2022, never one to be outdone, uncorked a sparkling $23.77 billion and ordered another round of Dom Pérignon for the house.

Eight months into 2025, the maître d’ whispers we’ve racked up a tasteful $3.62 billion more-down but certainly not out-bringing the lifetime tab to $71.55 billion. Ethereum handily claims $46.35 billion of that; if you include its backstage wash trades (naughty!) the tally leaps to $80.95 billion. Was $34.59 billion of that merely the same bored billionaire twirling his moustache in the mirror? Possibly, darling. Possibly.

Solana-our sprightly continental cousin-clocked $7.02 billion, though $588 million of those receipts might have been printed at the same photocopier. Bitcoin, miraculously, is party-approved to third place with $5.69 billion, and even it managed $123 million in saucy rinse-and-repeats. (Heaven.) Ronin flits in next, its Axie Infinity side-show reaping $4.29 billion with a mere $3,538 of rinse-practically monk-like virtue in this crowd.

Polygon boasts $2.7 billion but quietly sweeps $516 million of questionable receipts under the Aubusson. Flow-court shoes tapping-enters at $1.53 billion, waving off only $18.27 million of table-cloth turbulence. Immutable, Mythos, Cardano, and dear BNB complete the dreary procession, though we haven’t the heart to comment.

The sobering truth, sugar plum, is that we now require a brisk $39.48 million per diem just to match 2024’s $8.91 billion, and double gin-soaked $47.61 million daily if we’re to flirt with the round $10 billion confessional. Attempting 2022’s titanic $23.77 billion? For that we’d need rocket fuel, divine favour, and perhaps a stiff brandy. 🚀🥃

Yet fear not, pet. The blockchain cotillion endures, re-costumed, re-choreographed, ever poised to trod upon fresh dreams-and fresh wallets. Chin up; we’ve only 134 more calendar pages to fill. Break out the glitter and lawyers, the game’s still afoot! 🎭💼

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2025-08-20 20:58