Bitcoin’s Sky-High Dreams Crushed at $113k – JPMorgan Spills the Tea ☕️

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Bitcoin (BTC), that notorious gambler of the altcoin salon, fancied itself a bull on Tuesday, September 9, sashaying up during the London session only to be unceremoniously thwacked back down at the towering $113,000 resistance level. The audacity! It sulked 1.1%, settling at a rather modest $110,822, as if to say, “Well, that went well.”

Like dutiful schoolchildren, the altcoin masses followed their leader’s retreat, drowning the market in a swell of leveraged position liquidations approximating a whopping $370 million-mostly poor souls long on hope.

What On Earth Sent Bitcoin Tumbling?

Biden’s Job Figures: Inflated Like a Puff-Pastry

Bitcoin and its ilk were rattled by the revelation that Biden’s Job figures were not quite the rosy tale they were cracked up to be. The Bureau of Labor Statistics, bless their candor, decided to downsize job growth by a hefty 911,000 workers for April 2024 to March 2025. Imagine the shock of discovering your number was a tall tale!

“It’s official: The 2024 job gains were puffed up by nearly 1 million,” quipped Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, who must have a dry wit hidden beneath the gravitas. “Add to that 577,000 previously sliced away and, presto, we have a Biden jobs overstatement of 1.5 million. Quite the fib!”

The Looming August CPI Data Spectre

This downward revision came like an unwelcome spectre just before the eagerly awaited August CPI data. According to the all-knowing JPMorgan, August’s CPI will clock in at 2.9% year-over-year, with the more stubborn core CPI hovering at 3.1%. Oh, joy.

The bank’s prognosis is as cheerfully binary as a dinner party debate: if Core CPI exceeds 0.4%, markets will lose their lunch. But if it dips palatably below 0.25%, expect a rebound as investors dance with visions of rate cuts in their heads.

Fed Rate Cuts: Will Santa Arrive Early?

Wisdom from Kalshi and Polymarket suggests the odds for a 25 basis points Fed rate cut have shriveled today, though not out of the game entirely. Meanwhile, JPMorgan, ever the oracle, predicts the Fed will indeed bless us with such a cut next week, just enough to keep the speculators guessing.

Mr. Bessent, never one for subtlety, maintained that the Fed should slash rates posthaste, given that President Trump supposedly inherited a far grimmer economy than official reports dared admit. High rates, he said, have been throttling the economy-a charming way to say “we broke it.” Thus, Trump’s pressing for rate cuts is less a fuss and more a reasonable gripe.

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2025-09-09 21:54