Oh, Bitcoin. You didn’t give us that wild, cocaine-fueled year-end rally we all secretly wanted. But according to Anthony “Pomp” Pompliano (yes, that’s his real name), your lack of drama might actually be… good news? 🤷♀️
“Given where the volatility is right now, it would be very surprising if Bitcoin suddenly decided to yeet itself off a cliff,” Pomp mused on CNBC, probably while sipping a mimosa. Because nothing says “serious financial analysis” like daytime TV.
He then gently patted Bitcoin holders on the head like a disappointed but loving parent: “Sure, you didn’t hit $250K this year, but remember – you’re still up 100% in two years! That’s, like, way better than a savings account!” 🎉
“This thing has been a monster in financial markets,” he added, presumably while Bitcoin sat in the corner quietly eating crayons.
No Epic Crash? How Boring. 🥱
Pomp pointed out that Bitcoin’s volatility has been shrinking faster than your ex’s commitment – but nobody noticed because they were too busy crying over price drops.
“We didn’t get the explosive top everyone expected,” he said, “but we also didn’t get the soul-crushing 80% drop either!” Silver linings, people.
At press time, Bitcoin was trading at $87,436 – which is approximately 7.39% less exciting than it was on January 1st. Thanks, CoinMarketCap, for that uplifting update.
Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s hype squad – including BitMine’s Tom Lee and BitMEX’s Arthur Hayes – had promised us Lambos by Christmas. Instead, we got socks. Again.
Pomp tried to spin this as a good thing: “Less volatility means less upside excitement… but also less likelihood of your portfolio turning into a dumpster fire!” 🔥
The Bears Are Coming (In Like, 3 Years) 🐻
Not everyone shares Pomp’s optimism. Veteran trader Peter Brandt looked into his crystal ball (probably a Magic 8-Ball) and predicted Bitcoin might tumble to $60K by 2026.
Fidelity’s Jurrien Timmer agreed, suggesting 2026 could be Bitcoin’s “gap year” – you know, where it travels to find itself before crashing on mom’s couch at $65K.
So there you have it folks: Bitcoin might not moon tomorrow, but at least it probably won’t die? That’s… something. 🚀💀
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2025-12-24 03:30