Bitcoin’s Devilish Dive: Last $100K Jest? 😈⚡

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Markets

What to know:

  • Ah, the whims of fate! Just three weeks ago, our sorcerer of Standard Chartered, Geoff Kendrick, prophesied a grand ascent to $135,000 – but alas, the October 10th tempest of crashes and wretched recoveries has left him spinning, now foreseeing an “inevitable” tumble below $100,000 for the fickle bitcoinOl beast. How the mighty forecasters tremble! 😂
  • Behold the omens: flows from golden calf to crypto chimera, and the Fed’s tightening noose of liquidity, all pointing to a hilarious prophecy. 🤡
  • Whispered in the wind: This plunge might be your eternal farewell to bitcoin under six figures, quipped Kendrick, with a smirk as if he’s selling snake oil at the fair. Last chance for fools, eh? 😏

Oh, the grand circus of crypto! That calamitous spill on October 10th, followed by a bounce so feeble it wouldn’t scare a fly, has turned bullish hearts to gelatin. One might think the market demons are hosting a masquerade ball in hell, where dreams crumble like stale bread. 🍂👻

And our poor diviner Geoff Kendrick – the very head of Standard Chartered’s digital demons unit – mere weeks ago swore by a rocket to $135,000 as surely as Peter saw Christ. But now? He’s gazing into his crystal ETF and muttering of an “inevitable” descent below the sacred $100,000 mark. How the tarot cards betray their tellers! 🔮😉

In his missive to the credulous clients on Wednesday (for Wednesday ever feels like the start of a bad week in finance), Kendrick lamented that the October 6th peak of $126,000 – right on target, mind you – fizzled like a witch’s spell bound by U.S.-China trade curses. “The October 10th ‘trade war fear’ bonfire,” he scribbled, evidently channeling his inner Nostradamus, “dashed all hopes higher. Now, how low must Bitcoin plummet to unearth its miserable foundation?” Twists and turns, my friends, in this endless farce. 🤔🤣

But fret not, for good tidings crawl forth! This nosedive under $100,000 shall be brief as a shooting star, Kendrick assures, teasing it as the ultimate, never-to-be-repeated bargain hunt for bitcoin’s six-figure virginity. Oh, the sweet irony of eternal “last chances” – for in crypto, tomorrow’s treasure is today’s jest. 💸😂

Three harbingers of salvation, he proclaims with the fervor of a zealot: First, the mystical migrations of capital from the ancient idol of gold to our shape-shifting crypto phoenix. A golden meltdown this week synced with a fleeting bitcoin wink, hinting at heavenly rotations. “More such signs,” quips Kendrick with a wink, “and we might just forge a bottom out of this chaos.” Truly, alchemy at its sarcastic best! 🌟🥇

Second, eyes on the Federal Reserve sorcerers – will they halt their quantitative tightening spell? Amid tightening liquidities that squeeze like a witch’s corset, a reprieve could conjure the winds for bitcoin’s next absurd levitation. Macro magic, folks; don’t blink, or you’ll miss the punchline. 🪄😜

Lastly, though Kendrick denies dabbles in technical wizardry, he notes bitcoin’s loyal dance above its 50-week moving sigil since early 2023, when it wallowed at a mere $25,000. Coincidence? Nay, a pact with fluctuating fates! 📈👀

Recall his October 3rd oracle: A all-time zenith looming, year-end vistas at $200,000, spurred by government shutdown specters, Treasury witcheries, and fleeting ETF floods. Yet the rally’s mockery persists. Kendrick? Undaunted, he preaches: Any dip below $100,000 is but an entrée, not apocalypse. Long-term greed marches on, sarcasm intact. Roll the dice, mortals – or rather, the blockchain! 💥🙄

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2025-10-22 18:22