Bitcoin’s Dazzling Waltz: $96k, Bankers, and Buffoonery 🤑

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Oh, precious Bitcoin! Thou hast leapt o’er the formidable hurdle of $96,000, a price unseen since that distant era—November 2024 (ah, when wigs were less powdered and the air less fraught with dread). How came this valiant ascent, you ask? ‘Tis none other than the gorging appetite of our institutional Gourmands, who cannot resist a tasty crypto morsel—especially when panic over the world’s affairs grows as tepid as yesterday’s consommé. 🍲

Our gallant BTC hath capered nearly 20% from the gloomy dungeons of April (where it sulked at $79,000), cheered onward by $381 million in ETF coinage pouring in—enough to make Scrooge McDuck envious!—and the grand pronouncements of President Trump, whose recent pirouette on China trade makes even the finest court jesters blush. 🤡

Yet beware! The soothsayers wail and gnash their teeth at yon $94,000-$95,000—a region as perilous as a nobleman’s banquet without a taster. There, the market’s barbers (nay, sellers) wield their razors with glee, trimming enthusiasm more artfully than a French perruquier. And let us not forget: BTC still limps a full 16% short of January’s princely summit ($109,000), menaced by the delirious waltz with the stock market and the ever-looming specter of volatility. 💃📉

Inspired by the spectacle, titans like Strategy continue their feast, acquiring bitcoin with the zeal of a tax collector on commission. This very week, the dashing upstart Twenty One Capital barged onto the ballroom floor, flinging billions at BTC with abandon—ostensibly hoping to lure away clients through sheer flamboyance. After all, in the theatre of crypto, even the supporting players crave a moment beneath the chandelier. 🎭

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2025-05-01 14:05