Alright, so Bitcoin’s having a little meltdown, or as I like to call it, a “Larry David moment.” You know, that feeling when you’re at the buffet and you take one too many shrimp, and now you’re sweating? Yeah, that’s Bitcoin right now. Trading at $109,474, down 0.42% in the past day. Big whoop. Meanwhile, the crypto market’s like, “Eh, I’ll sit this one out,” with the global cap slipping to $3.68 trillion. 🥱
Then there’s Ted, the crypto Nostradamus, saying Bitcoin might retest $100K. “I already warned you,” he tweets, like he’s my ex-wife reminding me about the garbage. “Don’t get too greedy.” Thanks, Ted. Next time, just send a carrier pigeon. 🐦⬛
$BTC dropped nearly 6.5% after the FOMC meeting.
I already warned you before, so I hope you didn’t get too greedy.
This correction could go a bit longer with a possible retest of $100,000.
Another interesting thing is that after each correction, Bitcoin has hit a new ATH.…
– Ted (@TedPillows) October 31, 2025
Oh, and Ted’s got charts. Because nothing says “I’m serious” like a line graph. Since mid-June, Bitcoin’s been doing the salsa-dip, recover, dip, recover. Four times! Mid-June: 7.89% slide. Late July: 6.18%. Mid-September: 7.94%. Late October: 6.42%. It’s like the crypto version of my dating history. 💃
Farzam Ehsani, CEO of VALR, chimes in with some macro mumbo jumbo. “Trade truce, dovish Fed signals, blah blah blah.” Basically, if the Fed sneezes, Bitcoin catches a cold. Or is it the other way around? I forget. 🤧
Meanwhile, the Fed’s like, “Hey, we cut rates by 0.25%. You’re welcome.” And the market’s like, “Is that it? I was expecting a parade.” Jerome Powell’s out here saying a December rate cut isn’t guaranteed, and everyone’s acting like he canceled Christmas. 🎄
Oh, and let’s not forget international tensions. U.S. and China have a “trade truce,” but Taiwan’s still a thing, and nukes are flying around like confetti. Traders are sitting on their hands, and I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t touch this market with a ten-foot pole. Or a shrimp fork. 🦐
But hey, Coinbase is buying more Bitcoin-2,772 BTC in Q3. Brian Armstrong’s like, “We’re long on Bitcoin. And by ‘long,’ I mean we’re in it until the heat death of the universe.” 🚀
Coinbase is long bitcoin.
Our holding increased by 2,772 BTC in Q3. And we keep buying more.
– Brian Armstrong (@brian_armstrong) October 30, 2025
Michael Saylor’s still bullish, predicting $150K by year-end. His company, Strategy, got a B-minus credit rating. Congrats, Mike. That’s like getting a C+ in high school and calling it a victory. 🎓
Ehsani’s back, saying Bitcoin needs to hit $116K-$117K to keep the party going. But without retail buyers and ETF inflows, it’s all up to the whales. And we all know how that ends-someone gets harpooned. 🐳
So, Bitcoin’s slide to $100K? Just a cooldown. Like when you take a break from arguing with your wife to grab a snack. The long-term climb isn’t over, but let’s not kid ourselves-this market’s as predictable as my mood after a bad round of golf. ⛳
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2025-10-31 16:53