Bitcoin to $1M: The Snail’s Race to Riches 🤑

by

In the grand theater of human folly, where numbers dance like shadows on a wall, the saga of Bitcoin unfolds—a tale as absurd as it is relentless. The year was 2025, and the world, ever eager to crown its false idols, wept as Bitcoin tumbled from its lofty perch above $100,000 to a mere $75,000. “The bull is dead!” they cried, their voices echoing through the digital canyons of despair. Yet, like a phoenix from the ashes of their misplaced certainty, Bitcoin rose again, defying the prophets of doom to carve new heights, reaching $122,800—a mockery of their fears. 🌋

Ah, the irony! The very masses who once declared its demise now whisper in hushed tones of a seven-figure destiny. Yes, $1 million—a number as arbitrary as it is intoxicating. And who better to lead this chorus of optimism than Mitchell Askew, a soothsayer of the digital age, whose predictions are as bold as they are baffling. Ten years, he says, ten long years of “pump and consolidate”—a dance so tedious it would bore the stars themselves. 🕰️

The Snail’s Race to $1 Million: A Decade of Yawning 🌟

In a missive on the X platform, Askew, with the gravity of a man unveiling the secrets of the universe, proclaimed Bitcoin’s march to $1 million. “The days of parabolic madness are over,” he declared, as if the market were a reformed sinner, now content with a life of quiet monotony. ETFs, those institutional behemoths, have tamed the beast, he claims, turning Bitcoin into a creature of habit—pump, consolidate, repeat. 📈

“It will bore everyone to death,” Askew added, with a candor that borders on cruelty. “The tourists will flee, shaken from their dreams of quick riches.” Ah, the tourists—those poor souls who mistake the market for a carnival ride, only to be ejected at the first sign of turbulence. 🎢

And yet, Askew’s thesis finds an echo in the halls of Bloomberg, where Eric Balchunas, another high priest of finance, nods in agreement. “Stability,” he intones, as if it were a sacred incantation. Since BlackRock’s ETF filing, Bitcoin has become a creature of predictability, its volatility muted, its corrections fewer. The institutional giants, ever wary of chaos, now circle like vultures, drawn to the scent of steady gains. 🦅

Bloomberg’s Sage: ‘Pump and Consolidate’—The New Mantra of the Masses 📊

Balchunas, with the air of a man who has seen it all, confirms the shift. “No more wild surges,” he declares, as if Bitcoin’s past were a drunken revelry, now replaced by the sober routine of the nine-to-five. And so, the price oscillates—$120,000 to $115,000, a sideways shuffle that would make a snail proud. As of this writing, it rests at $117,900, a 0.4% rise—a yawn in a world that once thrived on heart-stopping leaps. 🐌

And there you have it—the grand prophecy of Bitcoin’s ascent, a tale of tedium and triumph, of boredom and billions. Will it reach $1 million? Perhaps. But at this pace, we’ll all be asleep by the time it does. Goodnight, and sweet dreams of riches. 💤

Read More

2025-07-28 02:43