Bitcoin Tanks! Oil Panic Sends Wall Street Scrambling for Antacids 😂🚀

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What in the world is going on?

  • Bitcoin did a swan dive below $100,000 on Sunday—yes, you read that right, a number with five zeroes! Investors everywhere checked their phones, shrugged, and pretended it was just “character building.”
  • Apparently, Iran’s thinking of blocking the Strait of Hormuz. That’s like blocking the only working bathroom at a stadium. For oil, though.
  • XRP and Ether also joined the sinking ship, just to keep Bitcoin company. Isn’t friendship beautiful? (At least someone’s maintaining social bonds!)

Picture this: Bitcoin tries to sneak out of May’s lowest price, but *kersplat!* It tumbles below $100K. And the mood on Wall Street Monday morning? More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

The Strait of Hormuz – which, by the way, controls about 20% of all the oil in the world (not just your neighbor Bob’s leaky car) – is apparently the hottest topic of conversation in Tehran, right between “Is it too early for lunch?” and “Whose camel double-parked outside?”

Iran might block the Strait! Oil prices could rocket like my cholesterol levels after a brisket-eating contest. Experts say this would be “their worst-case scenario.” (Clearly, they’ve never been in a Mel Brooks movie… or my mother-in-law’s kitchen.)

JPMorgan, eternally optimistic, thinks oil could jump to $130 a barrel—because nothing says party like inflation at 5%! Wonder what the Fed’s going to raise next? Maybe just their collective eyebrows.

The whole crypto gang felt the pain: XRP dropped like my self-esteem at junior prom, ETH slipped back to May like it was doing the Time Warp. Solana, too. You can always count on crypto for emotional instability!

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2025-06-22 18:34